PokéMans!
by Traban16
Summary: The boys are at it again in South Park, but this time in a BIG WAY! Now they have to figure out just how to approach the daunting task of having ACTUAL Pokémon in their grasp. That is, if SOMEONE doesn't screw things up even further. Yeah, we're looking at you, Cartman. POKEMON & SOUTH PARK!
1. Gotta Catch 'Em, R-Tard!

**Summary: The boys are at it again, but this time in a BIG way. Now they have a few extra additions to their crew as they try to figure out just how to approach having actual Pokémon in their grasp. That is, if SOMEONE doesn't screw things up even further. Yeah, we're all looking at you, Cartman.**

_**I'll do a different Character Profile at the end of every few chapters in the future. The Profile will include: Name, Rank, Pokémon Type, Pokémon in Party, and other fun facts about the Character.**_

_**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK!**_

_**ENJOY!**_

**Chapter 1: Gotta Catch 'Em, R-Tard!**

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><p>Kenny was sitting in Cartman's house eating Cheesy Poofs and watching television just as peaceably as a human being could while in the company of one Eric Cartman.<p>

The shocking part, you may ask? Well, Kenny was honestly enjoying himself. It was quiet, it was peaceful, and it was something to do.

It would be a lie to call Kenny McCormick disillusioned with life. To be disillusioned with life, you had to first been inspired with or revered life. Kenny had never been under any illusion when it came to life.

He was born at home, in his parents' filthy bedroom, dirt poor, stifled and cursed. Ever since he'd been aware of the world, he'd been aware of the unfairness of it all. How unfair it was that he was always cold, yet his classmates always warm. How unfair it was that he was never full, yet his classmates never hungry. How unfair it was that he didn't get pocket change, yet his retard classmates had freaking collage funds.

It was unfair, plain and simple.

Yet, he knew life wasn't fair. Despite what some might think because of his dirt poor background, Kenneth McCormick was the furthest thing from stupid. He read books when he had them from the library, and was quite street smart. The unfairness of life? He was used to it. All he could do was forgive it— or at least accept it— and get the fuck over it.

Yet throughout his barely teenage life, Kenny was fast becoming aware of what he perceived as the greatest unfairness of all.

He became aware of Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski.

It was unfair that Kyle was so cleaver, the cleverest in their class. It was unfair that Stan was so kind, the kindest guy Kenny had ever known. It was unfair Kyle was so sharp, so quick-tongued and sarcastic. It was unfair Stan was so moral, so just, so obsessed with making things _fair_. It was unfair that Kyle's temper was volcanic, that his anger was explosive, his presence so dramatic. It was unfair the way Stan was growing out to look like a professional athlete even though he pretty much hated sports. It was unfair that Kyle was so beautiful, so porcelain, so regal and, well— so goddamn _fluffy_!

But all that unfairness could be forgiven. Because Kyle was Kyle, and Stan was Stan. By the two simply existing, they made Kenny's life seem a little more fair then it was, like perhaps everything would be okay. Like perhaps it had been worth getting out of bed this morning after all…

Then those buttholes had to go to Stan's house for a "super best friends' only" Saturday morning of watching cartoons while shucking he— the great and sexy Kenny McCormick— off to Cartman's until they met up later to plan an adventure for the day.

That, Kenny thought, was unforgivably unfair.

It was just another day in South Park to Cartman. Officer Barbrady was still a dumbass dips hit who was not doing his job. Mr. Mackey was saying M'kay after three whole years and would probably still be iterating the stupid phrase until his dying breath. And Kenny, the poor piece of crap, had come begging to his— the great and totally sweet-bodied Cartman— house for the warmth, food, and television programming his poor as shit family couldn't hope to provide in their lifetime.

"Goddamnit, Cartman, don't talk about my family!" Kenny snarled, glaring icy daggers at the fat boy when Cartman ended his opening scene.

Cartman sat back on his couch, eating the third bag of Cheesy Poofs as they watched Saturday morning cartoons. Now you may wonder why he was watching cartoons with the poor piece of crap. Well, him, being the infinitely nice person he was, had allowed Kenny into his home—

"No you didn't, your mom answered the door while your fat ass was too lazy to get up from the couch." Kenny interrupted again.

"God-Dammit! Kenny, shut the fuck up or I'll kick you square in the nuts!" Cartman shouted back as Kenny and he glared at one another. Kenny didn't say anything again, but crossed his arms. Cartman was right about one thing. His house had central heating, a fully stocked refrigerator, and television with more than the news and a Spanish soap opera playing every hour or so.

"Now where was I…" Cartman pondered while tapping his chin, "Oh right!" snapping his fingers, Cartman went on to think more shit about Kenny and how poor he and his entire family were out in the ghetto.

"Cartman—" the parka wearing boy growled at the tub of lard.

"And yo momma cried," Cartman sang, "Because if there was one last thing that they would need, it'd be another dirt poor baby mouth to feed. In the ghetto… in the ghetto!"

And Kenny pounced on him then, fists meeting fat stomach and arms while the larger boy wailed for his mommy.

Kenny grabbed Cartman by the collar and hoisted him up so they were starring eye to eye, "Cartman, I swear to God that if you say one more thing about me or my family, I will fucking killing you."

"Jesus Christ, Kenny's gonna bat-shit crazy!" Cartman yelled, looking around for assistance.

"Just shut the fuck up! I'm sick of you always ragging on me and my family." Kenny shook the fatter teen a few times for good measure, "Just remember, without me around, you'd be the poorest piece of crap in this town." and with his peace spoken, Kenny promptly dropped the now terrified Cartman and sat back in his spot on the other side of the couch.

"Remote, bitch." Kenny held out his hand, and Cartman said nothing as he passed over control of the TV.

Flipping through channels was an unfamiliar experience for Kenny. He did not hang out at his friends' houses a lot, and even when they did stay indoors, it would always be Kyle or Cartman who picked the programming they'd watch. Stan never seemed to have an opinion anymore and Kenny was always just happy for a change from the news or Spanish soap operas.

"Oh, awesome! Pokémon is on! I haven't seen this in forever!" Kenny felt a spark of the few happy childhood memories he had welling up inside him. Memories from before he realized it was wrong for him to hang out at his friends houses and impose upon their lives everyday just because his parents chose to remain poor, ignorant and drunk all hours of the day and night.

"Uck, Pokémon cartoons are _so_ 1998, Kenny," Cartman groaned in complaint, sliding a few inches down the couch, "The drawings are retarded, the plots are shit, and no one makes fun of Jews on there. The games are much better."

"Yeah? Well I like both, so go fuck yourself." Kenny shot back while turning the volume up on Cartman's television.

"You poor piece of crap, the only reason you know anything about the games is because Stan just had to be a major pussy and use his paper route so he could buy you the games and systems so you could keep up with us and everyone at school and not be the only one without Pokémon. Hate that asswipe Stan…" Cartman grumbled while Kenny slugged him in the arm.

"For your information, it was Butters that bought me the Gameboys and Nintendo DS. That's when Stan fought out I didn't have anything and he got me the games." Kenny corrected his retard friend, "Then Kyle spent some of his savings to get me some games for Stan's old PS2 and Xbox."

"I seriously hate those guys… Seriously," Cartman sulked as he slid down further into the couch.

Kenny ignored Cartman this time, turning back to Cartoon Network as the latest English-dubbed episode of Pokémon started to air.

"Kenny, don't be a bitch with sand in the vagina," Cartman said, covering his ears as Kenny began to sing along to the new theme song. Hearing enough of his horrible attempts to keep up with and sing a song he was only just hearing and seeing for the first time, Cartman got up from the couch for the first time that morning. He walked into the hallway closet and grabbed his plastic bat.

"On the road, far from home. You don't have to feel alone! Brave and strong, together we will be! Its' OUR DESTINY! We can be HEROES! We can save the world if we tried! I'll go where YOU go! Forever friends, YOU AND— OW! HOLY SHIT! CARTMAN, YOU ASSHOLE!" right in the middle of his signing, Cartman had hit Kenny in the back of the head with the little plastic baseball bat he got out of the closet. Kenny leapt off the back of the couch, and proceeded to beat the shit out of Cartman, who proceed to then scream and cry for his mother's aid.

* * *

><p><em>Ding-Dong<em>!

"Who do you think that is?" Kyle asked as Stan got up to open the door.

Now being a few years older and going through the fucking painful experience known only as a "growth spurt", Stan was the tallest of the group. Kenny was only a few inches smaller while Cartman and Kyle were just about the same height, a fact which neither found too pleasant. And though he never worked out a day in his life, Stan had what others referred to as a lean athletic build. Girls were now giggling at him on the streets and mothers were always commenting on his startlingly cerulean blue eyes and dark raven hair. He and his friends found the whole experience all the more strange when the moms did it while licking their lips and gazing at the clean-cut handsome young teen with hungry eyes. Stan, much like the other kids in South Park, never changed his wardrobe much with the weather either being just perfect for a sunny day of basketball or the right temperature for freezing balls off. Though ever now in then his parents would sign him up for a sport, where he'd have to trade in his trademark red poof-ball hat for a baseball cap, or his brown jacket for a sports coat. Even still he wore blue jeans and black sneakers. If anyone gave him crap, he just took a leaf out of Craig's playbook and flipped them off.

Kyle turned away from the television to watch who would be at the door. Over the last few years, Stan's personality became rather cool and confident in comparison to the cynical and depressive one from back when he was diagnosed with _Ass_perger's Syndrome. Kyle had once questioned the change, and the answer Stan gave him was a little fucking weird.

"_Dude, fuck that. Its too fucking pathetic. I felt like one of those Goth kids again, and then Butters called me a punk bitch for giving up on life or something. Screw that, I'm just gonna look on the bright side of the shit, ya know_."

After that, no one said anything about Stan's being back from the brink. It was so much better to see the leader of their group smiling again while knifing people on _Call of Duty_. Hell even Wendy was glad to have the old Stan back as they had resumed their turbulent relationship immediately afterward, to which was now permanently in the off position since the last time they broke up.

"—_Oh yeah? Well maybe you're the reason I'm so fucked up in the head, you CRAZY BITCH_!"

Kenny had been rolling, Cartman was honestly impressed and Kyle was shocked to his core by the amount of anger and rage springing out of Stan when the dark haired boy and girl broke up publicly a couple of years ago after Stan found Wendy in the hallway smooching Token Black. Token and Stan were still cool, even then, but Wendy was still on then ice when it came to being around Stan for long durations of time.

Kyle on the other hand had seen his social life skyrocket in the last few years. Jewish camp was now seeing more kids for him to hang out with as a greater number of unsuspecting moron adults decided South Park was actually a peaceful little mountain town with absolutely no bats hit crazy problems whatever. Now during the summers Kyle got invited to parties, bar mitzvahs, and had a bunch of friends on Facebook to water his crops. Though a bunch of his new friends seemed initially disappointed whenever he brought Stan around with him to the events. However, that was all quickly turned around by the end of the parties. Kyle's other friends would be so enchanted by Stan that, by the end of the evening, they'd ask for Kyle's own super best friend to attend everything he could with Kyle.

"_Sure, dude! If Kyle wants to go, we'll be there_!" and Stan would smile his amazingly boyish smile, making the girls giggle and the boys think him a God amongst men.

If only Stan would share his secrets of being the poster boy for non-douche bag surfer dude, then Kyle would stop harping him for being so chill about everything these days.

Stan looked back at Kyle before opening the door, "Don't know. I wasn't expecting anybody. You?"

"No, I didn't invite anyone. I would have told you, dude!" Kyle and Stan were puzzled, but still Stan opened his front door.

It was a pissed-off Kenny and beaten-up Cartman, who was still holding his bloody nose.

"Hey Kenny." Stan greeted, then looked at Cartman, "Jesus Christ dude, the fuck happened to you?!"

Cartman cut a glare over at Kenny, who glared right back like a cornered animal, "I tripped on the way over…"

"Oh no, dude, don't let them in." Kyle said, snuggling into his warm blanket further on the floor in front of the couch. "This is why we couldn't invite you over Kenny. 'Cause then Cartman would come, and he'd piss one of us off, and then we'd have to kick his ass."

"Yeah dudes," Stan turned back to look at Kenny and Cartman. "My mom is still pretty pissed about the blood from last time we busted Cartman's nose. Sorry, you can't—"

Kenny was having none of that as he turned on heel, and slammed a fist into Cartman's face, propelling the fat boy back and out into the snow where he landed on his flat on his back.

"Jesus Christ, dude!" Stan exclaimed as Kenny stomped into the house.

"Bitches, we're watching Pokémon. Got it?!" Kenny roared, and Stan and Kyle quickly scrambled not to end up like Cartman.

The fat boy, however, was now outside shouting at the home while throwing snowballs because he couldn't find rocks with all the damn snow.

"Screw you guys! I'm going home! And, and- I'm gonna have Cheesy Poofs and Twinkies and Pokémon and my own super best friend and TV and wine coolers and a party which none of you assholes are invited to!" Cartman stomped angrily down the street, still ranting and raving about the other three boys he was forced to grow up with.

"Fucking Kenny and his fucking poor as shit Pokémon reams!" he turned back to yell out, "Pokémon's fucking gay, Kenny you poor piece o' shit! DO YOU HEAR ME?! POKÉMON IS GAY, KEE-KNEE!"

Growling at the snow which impeded his trek back home, Cartman kicked out and lashed at the white fluff of ice. "I'll show those assholes. I hate those guys. I hate them with every beet of my heart and every fiber of my soul. I seriously hate those guys. So seriously… Fucking Pokémon… Fucking Kenny… Make my own goddamn Pokémon… That'll show those black assholes. FUCKING HATE YOU GUYS!"

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><p><strong>So what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Want it to <em>ROT IN HELL<em> for all eternity? Leave a REVIEW and let me know!**

**Oh, and if you have ideas for Pokémon the characters should have or would be funny, please LET ME KNOW! Preferably in a REVIEW or PM.**

**Bye, bye**

**-Traban16**


	2. Revenge of the Fatass

**Chapter 2: Gotta Catch 'Em, R-Tard!**

**Part Two - Revenge of the Fatass!**

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><p>The next day found the boys watching the news at Kyle's house. They had since replaced Cartman with Butters, who was all too pleased to be a major part of the group.<p>

"…_**That's right Tom, tomorrow morning at eight o'clock, the doors to our local Dr. Mephesto's laboratory where he will reveal to the world his latest genetic discovery**_," the blond male reporter announced as the boys were now just a bit more interested in the news.

"I told you fellas there'd be something neat-o on the news. Th-The news is always chocked full of good stuff. Like apples!" Butters commented as the others mostly ignored him.

"_**And you say we're reporting this because we don't have any better stories, is that right Chad**_?" Tom, the news anchorman, asked from where he sat next to his sister, Tammy.

"_**Yes, Tom, you are correct. News has been rather slow today and some little fat boy ran up to me yesterday saying that we had better report this every showing today**_."

"_**Well that's just strange, Chad**_." Tammy asked as she leaned forward in her chair, "_**Just how fat did you say the boy was**_?"

"_**So fat, Tammy, that he was, in fact, one chin away from a Chinese phonebook**_."

"_**That's pretty darn fat, Chad**_." Tom nodded

"_**Damn fat indeed, Tom**_." Chad gave a nod, "_**He was so fat that his clothes looked to be on their Final Frontier**_."

"_**AY**_!"

"_**Here's comes little fatty pig right now, Tom and Tammy**_," Chad had the cameraman pan over to where Cartman was angrily coming over toward them… with a wooden baseball bat. "_**Isn't he just a little pit of pudding**_?"

"_**He sure is, Chad**_." Tammy agreed with a warm smile into the camera.

"_**Respect mah authoritah**_!" Cartman yelled before swinging the bat into Chad's knee caps and then into the camera, cutting the news feed.

"_**Well there you have it folks**_," Tom went on, just as happy as could be, "_**If you'd like to see Dr. Mephesto's discovery for yourself, he's currently located in his creepy as shit laboratory up in the mountains right now. So if you're a bunch of lazy kids with nothing better to do, then why don't you go on down**_."

Butters shut off the television, now super excited for whatever old Dr. Mephesto was cooking up there in his big science lab. And if it was something Cartman had to tell the news about, then it was sure to be really amazing.

"So wait, that's why Cartman wasn't home all day yesterday?" Kenny inquired with a quirk of his blond brow. "That fatass was hanging out with Mephesto?"

"I thought he hated Mephesto for lying to him about who his dad was?" Stan questioned.

"Oh boy, oh boy! It must be something pretty interesting to make Eric go the way up there!" Butters was practically shaking with anticipation. "Well come on, fellas! We gotta go see what good ol' Dr. Mephesto's made this time!"

Kyle and the others got off the couch with grumbles of irritation, though it was mostly Kyle doing the complaining. "Swear to God it better not be more animals with more asses than they're supposed to have…"

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><p>Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Butters made their way to Mephesto's place up the mountain outside of town. However, they were all aware that they were being followed.<p>

"Uck, I don't know which is worst. The fact that we have to walk all the way out here in the freezing cold with snow falling, or the fact that I can practically feel Cartman's breathing as much as I can hear it."

"I more surprised he isn't hibernating this time of year," Kenny shrugged.

Kyle didn't respond. He just chewed his lip, gazing back at where Cartman was hiding behind a tree that was skinner than he was. Gazing back at the small town that was their South Park.

Even though it was a few minutes before noon, today was a steep of snowfall and overcast clouds. It was quite nice, really. The lights from the houses, the lit up Harbucks sign, the Whistlin' Willy's and Denny's logos. The patterns the streets made, the occasional cars winding round the unlit roads. It would have been a very standstill sight, one worth capturing for all of time. Sadly, Butters had left his camera and Stan had forgotten his sketchbook in favor of his Nintendo DS from all their talking and watching of Pokémon yesterday. The seemingly endless snowfall drifting down from the clouds made the town a hazy sight as they trudged onward up the old mountain road. The patchy shadows that occasionally blotted out the sunlight as it drifted lazily across the grey sky. Kyle would never call South Park beautiful. It still, after a few years, fucking crazy and looked the part, but from this distance, it looked like a enticing kind of crazy.

"You fellas shouldn't talk about poor Eric like that," the others rolled their eyes at the way Butters was so quick to defend anyone. It was sad how often Cartman used Butters and how Butters still stuck up for the asshole. "We-Well, he's probably cold back there, and hungry too."

"Trust me, Butters," Kenny began, slinging an arm over Butters' shoulder, "Ain't nothing ever hungry about Cartman. He has an appetite, but he's never in his life gone hungry. I think the difference between me and him is proof enough for that."

"Dude, shut up." Stan said, looking back at where Kenny and Butters were walking just a few steps behind him and Kyle, "You know you and your brothers and sister could come over to my house for every damn meal if you guys wanted."

"Yeah, Ken," Butters jumped in, "Well, my mom would be happy to see you fellas and Karen fed right."

"And you know my mom just loves stuffing you like turkey, dude." Kyle shrugged, "She keeps saying that frozen waffles and pop-tarts aren't meant for every meal."

"You told her!?" Kenny hissed.

"No, your mom cried about it to the other moms when she was _really_ drunk one day last week." Stan broke in to defend Kyle, "Face it, dude. You're the town's poster child for sympathy. Even Wendy is, like, three seconds from having your parents brought to court for child neglect."

"Well tell Wendy to keep her trap shut. No one's splitting my family up." Kenny spat fiercely, causing the others to give him varying looks of surprise. "What?"

"Fucking, r-tard…" Stan muttered with a shake of his head.

"We'd never let them separate you guys, Kenny!" Butters seemed horrified that Kenny even thought they would.

"Well we can't say 'never', Butters, because— OW! Dammit, Stan!" apparently Stan had slapped Kyle in the back of his head for trying to rip apart Butters still intact innocence.

For a second all was silent. The boys trekked onward up the road and were now able to see Mephesto's live-in laboratory through the dense overcast of snow and mist.

"So what do you think he'll have in there?" Kenny was the first to break the silence.

"Don't know, but it better not be—"

"Yeah, yeah. No more animals with asses." Stan rolled his eyes, "I'm sorry okay. I thought it was thoughtful and original."

"It was a hamster with four sets of asses, Stan!" Kyle threw his hands into the air, "I mean, Jesus Christ, dude! Next time just get me cash! Do you know how much crap you have to clean up after a hamster with four asses? The answer is a hell of a lot."

"Well I'm sorry. You only turn thirteen once in a lifetime. I thought you'd like it." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. Ever since Kyle had the hamster, he had complained about the gift. When the four-assed hamster died, Kyle started complaining even more since his parents would never get him a replacement in fear of another crapping half as much like the hamster or the elephant did.

"Even Cartman wouldn't be interested in that." Kenny shook his head, "No, its probably something to do with him being related to Hitler or something."

"Oh, shit!" Stan jerked back and looked at the others, "You don't think he convinced Mephesto to revive Hitler, do you?"

The other three teens paled as the thought occurred to them.

Then they laughed.

"Yeah, right! Cartman would have already screwed that up all because Hitler would never respect his authoritah." Kyle laughed, but was still noticeably pale and shaky. Honestly, he had nightmares about that kind shit happening, and with them living in South Park with all the other crazy shit that occurred around them, no one would bat an eyelash at Hitler's death army rounding up the few Jewish families in all of town.

"Man, you look fucking scared, Ky." Stan, that bastard, was laughing at him. "Geez, we'd _never_ let Cartman revive Hitler and take you away. And I _mean_ never when I say it."

"… hate those guys," they heard from behind them, meaning that Cartman was still following them and could hear what they were saying.

"Okay, and I won't tell anyone how you were crying when your parents divorced for that weekend last year. Oops."

Stan, instead of killing him, laughed slightly at Kyle while pressing his fingertips to the bridge of his nose. Kenny and Butters gave the two Super-Best Friends strange looks. "You're never, ever going to let me live that down, are you? No matter what happens today, even if it were Hitler waiting up there for us, no matter how we end up, you will hold that over me until the day I die. Any time you're losing an argument, or in a bad mood, or embarrassed, you'll just remind me of the time I cried on your shoulder and called you a loser. Its like, shit, dude, only thirteen years old, and you already have your mothers guilt-trip shit down to a _tee_."

"Yup, and don't you forget it." Kyle countered with a smirk.

"Ugh, you're so _irritating_ sometimes. It's like I can nearly understand why Cartman enjoys pissing you off." Stan said, to which Kyle had the look of someone who had just been struck by a lamp or something. The fiery-haired Jewish boy wrinkled up his nose, and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Well if I'm that _fucking_ irritating, why are we super best friends? Huh, Stan? Well? Answer the fucking question!"

"Because you're… You're so damn _Kyle_, dude." Stan chuckled, as though he weren't merely seconds from Kyle exploding on him with Kenny and Butters playing witness to murder.

Kenny sometimes envied Stan's ability to be so calm and fluid, like the waters of Starks Pond. He just went with the flow and never seemed to out of place with whatever situation he was thrust into. It was only when things got hell out of control and when shit hit the fan did Stan ever show more stress than normal. Even when Stan did stress over something it was more like he was stressing out over a math test and not how the town was being destroyed by Barbara Streisand in front his very eyes.

"You're irritating and belligerent and more than a little brilliant. And I love you, dude." Stan spoke with the calm and clarity of someone who knew when the tides of the ocean would roll onto the beachfront. "There's no-one else like you in this whole town. On this whole fucking planet._ In the history of time EVER_, dude. If I was like Cartman, and you hated me all of a sudden… I think I'd die. Christ, I'd die from missing you. Like, a lot, dude. You might fuck me up from messing with you like this, but I would fuck myself up way worse without you."

"That… Stan, that…" Kyle's face was a visage of shock and surprise. Kenny and Butters were not much better because no one had expected such an honest omission out of Stan. Then Kyle's face fell into a deadpan expression, "That was, _flat out_, the _GAYEST_ thing I've ever heard someone say out loud. I mean, dude, grow some balls!"

Kyle pushed past Stan to continue up the road. Stan only laughed as he followed after the fierce Jew.

"Stan," Kenny called out as he and Butters jogged to catch up, "I've always thought you were kind of a major pussy, but… Well…"

"Me and Ken think you've just proven us wrong," Butters spoke up, "You're really a _super-MASSIVE_ pussy."

Stan, for some unfathomable reason Kenny couldn't comprehend, only smiled his brilliantly boyish smile at them, "Thanks guys."

"Anytime, bro." Kenny said with a small smirk, lightly slugging Stan in the arm.

* * *

><p>Arriving at the front of the complex, the four quickly slipped pass the broken front gate and continued on their way to the front door.<p>

"We're here." Stan mumbled as they all suddenly felt nervous about what they could encounter in the madhouse that was the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch.

Lightning flashed over Mephesto's lab, just like it always did whenever they came around. When they finally reached the lab, Kyle ignored the creepiness as best he could.

Stan moved past him, "Come on," he muttered, walking up the steps to the front door. The four gathered around in front the front door while Stan knocked. They waited a few minutes, but no reply came from inside.

"Oh goddamnit, we didn't come all this way for that fucker to be out getting pizza or something. Kyle, ring the bell." Stan slammed his fists into the door, pounding at it repeatedly while Kyle frantically rang the doorbell.

After a few minutes, the door opened.

"I kept saying to hold on a minute! Hadn't showered all day, and now this… Damn kids, what do you want?" the door was thoroughly yanked open and the person stood there with an irritated expression. Dr. Mephesto was not in a good mood at all, and he looked kinda shitty. His clothes were shabby and his eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. Dirt and dried sweat stained his pits and darkened his usually sterile bandana worn underneath his hat, which was slightly lopped to the left side. He was holding his standard cane, the handle of which was crafted like an ass itself. Hiding slightly behind the good and crazy doctor was his assistant little monkey thing that dressed like just like the man.

"Oh its you children." Mephesto seemed genuinely surprised to see them, " Sorry about that, I didn't think I'd receive curious visitors just yet. The story only went on air about an hour ago. How can I help you?"

"Yeah, hey," Stan started off, "We were bored and had nothing better to do, so just show us your science stuff."

"Certainly, come right in." Mephesto gestured for them to enter his home. "Why is the Cartman child following you all like that?" Mephesto quirked an eyebrow as he saw Cartman stalking them from behind a pile of snow.

"Don't worry about him, he was never right in the head to begin with," Kyle said, to which the other three boys laughed.

"Well, he's alright by my book," Mephesto said, gesturing for Cartman to come out of the cold. "After all, he inspired my latest genetic breakthrough."

"So what is it?" Kenny asked, looking around the dark and creepy place.

"You guys will just have to wait and find out," Cartman spoke while strolling inside from the snowfall like he owned the place. His face was red and breathing was labored.

"Jesus, Cartman, don't have the baby on the man's floor." Kyle laughed at the fat boy's expense.

"Yeah, at least wait until you're back home if you've gotta take a crap," Kenny joined in, all four laughing at Cartman, who was now gritting his teeth in anger.

"You know, if I didn't know what I helped make was so super sweet, I'd kick all you guys SQUARE IN THE NUTS!" Cartman exclaimed, then turned to Mephesto. "To the laboratory, Herr Doctor!"

"Huh?" Mephesto had spaced out, thinking only of his own genius and recent success after so many failures, "Oh yes. Please, follow me into the lab."

The inside of the laboratory was just as they remembered it. Many animals with many asses, some animals spliced together in ridiculous combinations, and—

"Wait, that's new." Kyle pointed out as he literally pointed at the large machine which sat next to the cloning bubble.

The large machine was like a supercomputer. It had an enormous keyboard with the left side of the machine having a port, the other side was connected to the large cloning chamber via a giant black tube.

"Whoa, dude. What is it?"

"Ah yes, my latest invention. It helps take the details and descriptions of a creature and manufacture them as though they were nothing more than printed out flyers for a girl's Sweet Sixteen party. A shame it doesn't add asses to the creatures, but oh well…" Mephesto rubbed the giant black tube with affection. "I worked very late into the night yesterday taking pieces and parts from my other projects, but luckily this little marvel of modern technology did all the real work for me."

It was then Mephesto held up tow things he dug out of his opposing pockets. The first was an ordinary hand-held Nintendo system with a Zelda and Link artwork cover. The second made the group's eyes widen while Cartman's smirk only grew.

The second was a gaming cartridge… with the Pokémon title and logo splashed across it.

"Holy shit-balls, dude…!" Stan muttered as Kyle gasped and stepped back.

"Wait a minute, Doctor." Butters stepped forward, "Why, well, does this mean that yo-you've actually made—"

"Yes, I've created life from the combination of these two devices!" Mephesto boosted for all the world to hear, "By housing this smaller contraption inside the larger one like so." Mephesto inserted the game into the double screen gaming system before cutting it on. "I have fused the two into a greater machine. Then by adding it to my own work of genius like so." He then jammed the Nintendo DS into a slot in his own machine. He had to push it a few times— with every shove Cartman winced a little— but he finally got it inside and powered on his machine. On the large computer screen a dark blob appeared before morphing and changing colors rapidly. Stan and the others readily recognized some of the creatures. Ones like Pontya, Wooper, Treecko, and Froslass, but others weren't so familiar to them, but had Butters squealing as he saw ones like Munna, Swanna, and Sylveon.

"And as you can see, it takes the data from the little machine's creatures— their height and weight, their markings, footprints, voice cries, how receptive they are to human interaction— everything I could possibly want in making a new creature and more! I don't even have to do anything but press a few buttons, and behold!"

The black tube expanded as a wad went from the computer to the cloning chamber next to it. The light above the chamber turned from red to green, and beeped several times as the metallic doors slowly opened to reveal glowing red eyes peering out from the smoke the chamber produced.

"Vee!" out hopped an adorable little thing. The little bundle of awesome had brown fur with the tip of its bushy tail and large furry collar being more cream-colored. It had short, slender legs with three small toes and a pink paw pad on each foot. The small creature sat in front of Butters, looking up at the bleach blond haired boy with its brown eyes. Its long pointed ears hung back as it wiggled its small black nose. "Vee! Eevee!"

"HOLY SHITBALLS, DUDE!" Kyle scrambled away from the Pokémon— the real life, _really alive _Pokémon— and hid behind Stan. This startled the small creature, which hid itself from the loud human behind Butters' leg.

"Dude, its an Eevee, come on." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. He could see if it were a Gyarados or even an Ditto, but really? Kyle was running from something that looked like a prize-winning poodle dog. "Still, Jesus Christ… you actually created Pokémon. Actual living and breathing Pokémon…"

"Hmm… I meant for it to bring forth the large green draconic reptile but oh well. It works none the less."

"I've successful broken through the laws of science-fiction. And now, all those other geneticists at the semi-annual cocktail mixers can suck balls for doubting my genius!" Mephesto cheered himself on as his little monkey thing assistant politely clapped for him and his latest achievement.

"CARTMAN, YOU FUCKING RETARD!" Kyle screamed, once again frightening Eevee and shocking the others. Butters scoped Eevee into his arms while Kyle used Stan as a shield and pushed him over to where Cartman had been evilly gleeful. "You made him make fucking Pokémon? Do you realize the danger you've put the world in letting this multi-ass loving R-tard create and manufacture something so dangerous? If one of those things escapes South Park and the world at large could be destroyed."

"Kahl, get the sand outta your vagina and think about this without being on your period." Stan stepped aside so the two could glare each other down, "Pokémon are awesome and we can train them. So what if a few of them are dangerous? Its not like I couldn't beat them with my sweet battling skills."

"For fuck's sake, Cartman, the man admitted to wanting to make Rayquaza! The giant ass LEGENDARY Pokémon that rampages through cities and makes fucking storms!? Ring any bells in that empty-ass head?!"

"And your point is…?" Cartman asked, which only made Kyle want to punch him in his fat face. So that was exactly what Kyle tried to do.

The key word being that he "tried".

As soon as he saw Kyle lunge at him with his fists balled up, Cartman dove to the side while Stan caught the back of Kyle's shirt to keep him from falling to the floor.

"Take care of the Jew, Little Pot Pie!" Cartman threw the Pokéball and temporarily blinded the others in the room as it opened with a flash of bright white light.

Stan opened his eyes after the spots left his vision. When he did open them up, his jaw dropped at the canine which was bearing its sharp teeth and growling before him.

The beast was a black dog monster with a long orange snout and an orange underbelly. Small red eyes were narrowed and its black nose wriggled as the canine snarled up at Stan. Around its neck was a white band of bone with a small skull-shaped pendant design at the base of its throat. Two more white bone bands were around each of its ankles, as well as three rib-like ridges on its back. The hound had a long, skinny tail with a triangular devil tip and three clawed toes on each paw. On top of its head a pair of long, curved gray horns rested.

Cartman's own "Little Pot Pie" was a Houndoom, and it looked to tear them to shreds.

Kyle once again hid behind him, but Stan wasn't registering that. He looked over at the doctor in the room.

"So that machine… it can make any Pokémon?" Stan asked, already forgetting about the beast that was snipping at his jeans.

"Stan!" Kyle yelped in both apprehension that his best friend was going along with what would be the world's undoing and the fact that the giant Dark and Fire-type mongrel was still looking at him like he was a tender and juicy steak.

"Even fully-evolved ones like mine?" Stan asked without hearing Kyle, so wrapped up in his anticipation was he.

"So long as they're viewable and accessible on your device, then yes." Mephesto nodded.

Kyle would kill Stan if he ever got out of this mess. Stan, Kenny, and Butters had bolted over to the Pokémon machine without so much as a glance back at him. He was currently sweating in fear as the Houndoom snapped its huge teeth at his leg, scaring him until Cartman gave it the order to finally do him in.

"Kyle, catch!" through the air a red and white ball was thrown his way, and seeing it fly at him from Stan's awesome pitch, Kyle caught it and was quick to press the white button on the front. The little ball went from the size of a ping-pong ball to that of a baseball.

"Go… whoever you are!" Kyle threw the ball with a spin, like they did in the anime. After a flash of light, Kyle was covered in shadows as the large thing towered over him.

"BRON-ZONG!" the Bronze Bell Pokémon bellowed out as it was summoned.

"Thanks, asswipe!" Kyle thanked Stan, who waved cheekily while getting Mephesto to crafted more Pokémon for him and the others.

"You're welcome, fag!" Stan shouted back.

"Little Pot Pie, lets roast us up some Jew. Use your Flamethrower attack!" Cartman ordered while Kyle was distracted.

"Ah! Bronze, use Protect!" Kyle hid again behind another living being, but thankfully this one was loyal and slammed itself into the floor so it could use its powers and shield both its master Kyle and itself from the onslaught of flames that poured from Houndoom's mouth.

"Little Pot Pie, Fire Fang!"

"Bronze, use your Giga Impact!"

The two Pokémon did as they were told. Houndoom's mouth lit ablaze as it raced toward Kyle, ready to sear tender flesh and enjoy a chomp. Bronzong's body levitated up from the ground and with full intention on protecting its Trainer from the beast. As it flew at the roguish dark Pokémon, Bronzong became surrounded by spiraling orange streaks just before it was aflame with an energy sphere of purple energy. The two powerful and fully-evolved Pokémon slammed into one another with great force, causing a small explosion of power.

"Gah!" Cartman covered his eyes and face from the battle. Kyle, however, ran over to where Stan and the others were.

When the smoke cleared from the collision, it showed that both Pokémon utterly unconscious.

* * *

><p>"They did very well for newly born creatures. And they displayed amazing abilities. I mean, one of them blew fire! This is the scientific find of the century!" Mephesto could see the Nobel Prizes lining up.<p>

"These are for you, Kyle." Stan told his friend,, handing him five other tiny Pokéballs. Kyle quickly stuffed them into his pocket.

"God-dammit, get up!" Cartman kicked at the Dark Pokémon several times, but not once did it stir from its fainted position. "Worthless piece of crap…" he muttered while recalling the Houndoom to its Pokéball.

"Dr. Mephesto," Kyle called him, "how did you even make these Pokéballs? That would require converting 3D into 4D while retaining third dimensional shape and three-dimensional environment inside each ball. That means the creation of the world's first fully functional geometric tesseract!"

Mephesto shrugged, "I don't know. Some science mumbo-jumbo and a lot Google."

"I prefer Bing," Kenny chimed in with a cheeky smile.

"I prefer you shutting up," Mephesto muttered, walking over to where Kyle left Bronzong fainted.

"Incredible… its body is made entirely of metal… Its like a living church bell…"

"Bronzong, return." Kyle said, holding up the Pokémon's ball and recalling it with a cast of red light. Mephesto watched the exchange with a critical eye.

"More and more incredible… the creatures are converted into a form of radical energy when summoned from and called back into the transportation spheres. Amazing indeed… these beings will require further study…"

"Oh no!" Kyle raised his hands, "No more Pokémon! The ones you've already brought out are dangerous enough, even more of them running around could be harmful to the ecosystem. Not to mention the local wildlife and human population! You saw it! Some of these damn things _breathe fire_, for Christ's sake!"

"Dude…" Kenny spoke up, "Stop being such a little pussy."

"What?!" Kyle reared back as though slapped.

"Told you guys he always had sand in his vagina…" Cartman muttered as he came over.

"Stan?! Goddamnit, say something!" Kyle looked to Stan for backup. Stan looked torn.

"They are dangerous…" Stan began, making Kyle smile while the others groaned, "but they're Pokémon, dude. I mean, Christ, bears are dangerous, but we can handle them."

"Bears don't fucking breathe fire or shoot fucking energy from their eyes, retard!" Kyle shouted, scaring Eevee once again as it cowered in Butters' arms.

"Yeah, but if we have Pokémon, then the world won't be in trouble. Its not like South Park and the rest of the world aren't already fucked up, Ky."

"Don't call me Ky right now, Stan. Do you even hear yourself or are you too busy jizzing your jeans over fucking Pokémon right now?"

"Kyle, you're overreacting." Stan brought his hands up and placed them gently on Kyle's shoulders, trying to calm his fiery friend. Kyle, however, didn't want anyone to touch him at the moment as he jerked away from Stan.

"No, you're not seeing the big _flaming_ picture here." Kyle grit his teeth over how stupid his best friend could be when there was something awesome happening. Stan almost never stopped to think when he was like this.

"Kyle." Stan tried once more.

"Stan!" the redhead crowed back in a mocking tone.

"Oh geez fellas, don't fight." Butters moved to stand between the two super best friends.

"Kyle, you're right." Butters said, turning first to Kyle with Eevee in his arms, "Pokémon are really a lot of trouble. But, shucks, what isn't in life? South Park has all kinds of kooky mishaps and monsters running around, what's a few more in the mix? I mean, just look at him, Kyle."

Butters held Eevee up to Kyle's face. Kyle flinched back, but still managed to look the little cretin in its brown eyes. Its incredibly soft and innocent brow eyes. Just like puppy eyes…

"I guess the little thing is kinda cute." Butters let Kyle take the Evolution Pokémon into his arms and cuddle it, "Yeah, you're a little cutie, aren't ya?"

"Ee-Vee!" Eevee was no longer scared of the fire-head human, and licked softly at Kyle's cheek.

"See Kyle, Pokémon aren't half bad. And for the ones that wanna go around being big ol' meanies, well… We'll take care of them. Wouldn't we, Eevee?" Butters spoke with gentle determination, a kind which Eevee was more than happy and ready to agree with as it yipped in affirmation.

"… I guess we can see how this turns out…" Kyle muttered while scratching under Eevee's chin. He then shot a quick glare at Stan and Kenny, "But if this turns to hell in a hand basket, we pull the plug. Got it?"

"Sir, yes sir!" the two chorused while giving a stiff salute to the passionate Jew.

* * *

><p>Stan took out one of the Pokéballs he had stuff into his jeans pocket. He pressed the button on one, which made the advanced orb double in size.<p>

"These Pokémon must be really strong," Stan spoke, and it seemed that only Kenny cared what he was saying as Kyle and Butters were busy fawning over Eevee's shiny coat whilst Cartman and Mephesto were scheming some sort of plan by the console of the Pokémon creator-machine.

"Yeah, but Kyle's and Cartman's went down from one direct hit each." Kenny responded, but Stan shook his head.

"They're still new. it's a whole new world. Shit, maybe even _the_ _air_ might be different from the games. After a few days, I'm sure our Pokémon will be unbeatable."

"Hells yeah!" Kenny pumped a fist into the air, "Stan, we could be champions. Just think about it. We have real live Pokémon! Everyone else is gonna be shittin' bricks when they see this!"

"I know, right," Stan couldn't help but smile at the thought of showing up Craig and Clyde by riding on the back of his Rapidash. Him— Stan Marsh, the fair knight of South Park— riding into school on the back of a fucking flaming _unicorn_? Wendy and any other right-minded girl would be all over him.

It was gonna be so freaking awesome!

"The ladies will love us." Kenny said, then made Stan look at how Butters and Kyle cooed over Eevee as it got sleepy, "Just a few minutes of letting girls play with cute little Pokémon like that, and they'll be eating out the palms of our hands!"

Stan and Kenny exchanged a high-five as they're plotting to pick up chicks was in session.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Mephesto," Kyle called out once Eevee was asleep and captured by a Pokéball which Butters took from the bin labeled with the word 'empty', "Do you think you could make us a few Pokédexes next? It would really help us keep track of all our Pokémon and the ones we'll encounter once shit inevitably hit's the proverbial fan."<p>

Mephesto, whose conversation with Cartman had turned into a volatile hissing match, growled at Kyle's request.

"I slave into the night bringing a whole new fucking species of super-animals into existence along with a method of containment, and you want _more_!? Ungrateful little bastards, ALL OF YOU! Especially you," here the geneticist stabbed a finger into Cartman's pudgy shoulder. "That's it, I've had it with all of you! I want my money now, kid. Then get out so I can share my findings with the World Committee and get the fame and recognition I rightfully deserve!"

"World Committee?" Stan echoed in confusion.

"Money?" Kyle growled in fury, turning to Cartman who the others were slowly becoming furious with as well, "You promised him _money_? Money in exchange for unleashing super powered and _untamed_ beasts into an unsuspecting world?! CARTMAN, HAVE YOU _COMPLETELY LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND_?!"

"Uh-Oh, busted…" Cartman muttered, looking around like a cornered animal as the others, even Butters, looked angry with him.

"Eric, that was very wrong. Why, you haven't got any money!" Butters was the least of his problems at the moment.

"Cartman, you fat piece of crap, how are we supposed to pay him for anything like this? How much did you promise him?" Stan, the massive pussy he was, was also very low on the radar.

"I'll hold him down. Mephesto can experiment on him until he's extradited his pay from fatass." Kenny, that poor piece of shit, always willing to sell him out. He seriously hated Kenny.

"Screw that, we're just gonna kick his ass and leave him here. No sense in us playing witness if the police come by with missing person reports. Not that anyone _would_ miss him." Kyle, the dirty no-good Jew. Of course he'd been praying for a moment like this.

"Where's my money, kid?" and the crazy witch doctor Mephesto. Oh, what Cartman wouldn't give to kick the guy in his probable four ass-hanging nut sacks. But for that to work, he'd need a diversion, and—

"That's it!" Cartman moved fast, "Use Smokescreen, Frenchy!"

Cartman dropped the Pokéball like a grenade, and after a bright flash of light, the room slowly went dark as a thick smoke filled the air. It was like the building was on fire with Butters choking on the air and Kenny slamming him down low to the ground.

"Gah— He's g-getting away!" Mephesto cried out, waving his arms uselessly to rid the room of the smoke.

"We'll catch him!" Kenny promised. "Go! One of you bitches use Gust to blow this smoke away." Another bright flash consumed the room, and then a strong wind picked up, shuffling the thick smoke out the open emergency exit to the side of the lab where they had backed Cartman. Hurrying to the door, they saw Cartman with a load of Pokéballs in his arms and a skunk following after him obediently.

"That fatass bastard, he stole a bunch of Pokémon!" Kenny growled while returning a Pokémon to its Pokéball, "Lets get after him!"

"Right, Ken." Butters said as they took off, "Why, Eric's got a heck of a lot of explaining to do for all this trouble he's causing."

"I'm gonna kick his ass when I get my hands on him," Kyle raved while Stan ran in front the others, being the most athletically inclined.

"No time to worry about that now, just keep running. I think Mephesto might kill us in Cartman's place if we don't book it off his property."

"Shit, you're right!" Kyle said, and then broke out in front of Stan, rushing down the mountain path as the others brought up the rear.

"… Well gee, Kyle really must not like science." Butters mumbled, to which Kenny laughed and Stan only gave a weak chuckle as he moved to catch up to his best friend.

"If I ever see those children again, Kevin, it'll be too soon…" Mephesto muttered angrily as he went to get some sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Love it? Hate it? Leave a comment below, and let me know! And if you have any ideas for the story like Pokémon, or just general story ideas, then you can either leave them in a PEVIEW or PM. S'all right? S'all right!<strong>

**Bye, Bye!**

**-Traban16**


	3. The Fattest Chase! Pokémon FTW!

**Chapter 3: The Fattest Chase! Pokémon FTW!**

* * *

><p>Chasing after Cartman was fast becoming as irritating as it was bewildering. They could clearly see him making his way across the train tracks, but there should have been no plausible reason as to how he stayed ahead of them. Cartman was still as fat as the sun was bright. Kyle had run track for a year, Kenny could outrun the cops any night, Butters was on a treadmill six times a week, and Stan could still smoke any of them in a race without breaking a sweat. There was no way in Ginger HELL that a fatass like Cartman could evade them this long! No possible explanation, except for<p>

"Oh, goddamnit! The son of a bitch is using a Pokémon!" Kyle raged, searching through his dark green pants' pockets for the right Pokéball.

"Is this Bronzong's ball?" Kyle asked Kenny, who shrugged as best he could while running over the tracks.

"Dude, the fuck if I know. They all look the same to me." Kenny said, going through his own pockets for his balls. Heh heh, Kenny chuckled under his breath. Balls…

Kyle peered at the Pokéball for a second. He couldn't really be sure what Pokémon was inside or if there even was one in the orb to begin with.

"Come on out!" Kyle said, throwing caution to the wind while tossing the sphere out in front of himself.

In a burst of light, a large figure broke free of the Pokéball, which flew back to Kyle's awaiting hand where he pocketed it away. The large figure was somewhat robotic in nature, with a turquoise, disc-shaped body and four legs. The main body served as both head and body, and the creature's overall construction was like that of a mechanized arachnid. A large, metallic cross is situated in the center of its face. On either side of the cross, a red eye peered out from a space in its metallic armor. Its four legs joined to the main body by ball-and-socket joints while the upper portion of the legs were relatively thin. They were considerably thicker below the knee, with each leg having three short claws on the end and a flat, blunt protrusion extending over the knee.

"MEH-TA!" roared the Iron Leg Pokémon upon its release.

"Dammit, Kyle. Why do all your Pokémon have to be so loud? Its like, three in the afternoon for fuck's sake." Stan looked over his shoulder as he ran, still not too preoccupied to speak on the retardation of Kyle's trope of pocket monsters.

"I don't know. Maybe it's a Steel-type thing, or a Psychic-type thing. Christ, Stan, we're not having this conversation right now." Kyle stopped running and turned to Metagross. "Metagross, use Magnet Rise and follow the fatass."

"Meh-Ta!" the giant metal spider Pokémon was a bit quieter in obeying Kyle's command. Its legs rose up from the ground. They then proceeded to tuck in under Metagross's main body like a sort of robotic transformation as the Pokémon hovered a few feet above the ground. Kyle quickly jumped atop the behemoth, giving Butters a helping hand when the blond made to get on too.

"What about us?" Kenny asked when Kyle and Butters went flying past him and Stan.

"Sorry, no assholes allowed aboard the Broflovski Express!" Kyle yelled back, determined to be the one to catch Cartman first in order to be the one to punish the stain on society.

* * *

><p>"Two can play that shit…" Stan muttered, tapping the button on the Pokéball he got out, "Tropius, lets go! Use Fly!"<p>

Throwing the ball into the open snowy air, it opened so a ray of white light could escape. Bursting forth from that light was an enormous sauropod-like Pokémon with a large brown body wrapped in green leaves on its chest and head. Strong and broad green leaves stuck out from its back, and with one flap of the four leaves, the Fruit Pokémon remained airborne despite being very big and bulky. Kenny watched at it swooped down with surprising maneuverability and scooped them up to drop on its back. Stan and he clung quickly to the Pokémon's long neck while it took off after the obvious chase scene.

"Holy shitballs, dude! This thing is a Pokémon?"

"Yeah, its Tropius, the Fruit Pokémon." Stan said, stroking the creature's neck with affection. Then he reached forward and snapped off one of the fruits that grew around the monster's neck. "Fruit?"

"Hell yeah!" Kenny accepted the offered food without hesitation, peeling it like his life depended on it. He didn't care if it was safe to eat or not, he hadn't eaten anything all morning or back when they were at Kyle's house. He immediately stuffed his face, and the taste caught him guard. "Ohh, sweet Jesus! It looks like a banana, but it tastes like a fucking juicy pineapple! Stan, let me marry your Pokémon."

Stan's only reply was to laugh before commanding Tropius to look for Cartman by finding the fattest thing attempting to run. It was an easy spot for Tropius, who gave a cry of affirmation as it targeted the hefty boy not too far under them. With the giant prehistoric Pokémon locked on target, it made Tropius began descent with the intent of landing in the human's path.

"Oh geez, that thing's gonna eat us!" Butters screamed, holding onto Kyle harder while Kyle gripped the protruding metal cross that stuck out over what could be considered Metagross' forehead.

Kyle glanced back and cursed, "The fuck is that thing? Oh wait, that's the one from the third generation games. Damn, forgot its name because I never used it or cared to catch it. But of course Stan would go ahead and catch it…"

"So its Stan's Pokémon?" Butters asked, "And it _won't_ eat us, right? 'Cause, well… it looks an awful lot like a dinosaur."

Kyle ignored Butters in favor of having Metagross slow down on the turn it was making toward the right. He found it much easier controlling the metal Pokémon, but he suspected it was reading his thoughts and responding accordingly, what with it being Psychic and all.

"We're gaining on him now!" Kenny shouted with glee, throwing a fruit at Cartman's back from where he and Stan were up above. Cartman seemed to stumble, but made a quick recovery while being sure not to drop a sing Pokéball, especially when he slipped through a open in the nearby shabby wooden fence. "Ha! We got fatass running into junkyards! Now he's cornered!"

"Dude…" Stan pinched the bridge of his nose while Kenny gave him a puzzled look.

"What?" Kenny uttered, then looked back down to see why Stan was so exasperated with him. Broken down truck sitting on a jack. A busted refrigerator sitting out front. Other random junk littering the front and backyard. Color fading off the little house. Detached garage.

… wait a second…

"Oh fuck, that's my house!" Kenny hid his shame by pulling up the hood of his orange parka and zipping it closed around his face, leaving only his baby blue eyes for the world to see.

"Oh goddamnit, Kenny. Don't start that shit now." Stan said, seeing and hearing his friend as the dirty blond teen's muffled words were lost to the wind.

"Mhmm mphm hm hmph mhm," Kenny muffled, which pissed Stan off.

"You're being stupid. Who cares if you confused your house with a junkyard. And besides, so long as you don't say anything, Cartman will never know."

"Mphm mhm. Mhphm mhmn nhpnh mhh."

"Then make your parents clean up! Jesus Christ, Kenny, don't just let them loaf around on their lazy crack-smoking asses."

"Mhhm nphm hm," Kenny hung his head in shame, muffled words just barely heard as they flew.

"I swear to God, I will cut the hood off that jacket if you don't at least get it from over your mouth!" Stan was not playing around anymore. Cartman was trying to find a way out of the yard, and couldn't burst through the house on account of Mr. McCormick now owning a shotgun of his very own after winning a beer drinking contest down at the local bar.

"Dude, don't joke about that shit. My face has frozen before!" Kenny had moved the hood to below his chin. "And we all know… Winter is coming."

"Don't start with that shit either, Kenny. I mean it!" Stan sighed out, feeling a headache coming on. "Tropius, take us down."

"Tro!" the long necked Pokémon dropped even lower toward the snowy fields behind the tattered home. When it was a little more than several feet from touching the cold white substance, Tropius used its long neck to reach back and grab its riders by the scruff of their jackets. It sat them in the snow, where Stan returned it to its Pokéball and out of the cold.

* * *

><p>"Okay, my turn!" Kenny chirped happily, making a show of taking the Pokéball from his parka's pouch and throwing it out, "Get out here!"<p>

Out from the ball came the Ghost-type Pokémon Gengar. Stan easily recognized it. Gengar appeared just as it did in the cartoons and games. It was dark purple, with two stout legs under its roundish body. Red eyes glowed brightly in the darkness of the overcast weather, and its wide mouth signature sinister grin was as white as the snow that fell. Multiple spikes cover its back, and its large pointed ears stuck out from its main body. Its arms and legs were short with three digits on both its hands and feet. Laughing its name cruelly, Gengar gave a wag of its stubby tail.

"Gen-Gar!" the Shadow Pokémon snickered while looking around shiftily. Almost like a madman who had committed the perfect murder.

"Gengar," Kenny called for his Pokémon's attention. Gengar was quite the silly ghost as it looked everywhere but at Kenny until the blond was bristling in anger. "Here, jackass! Pay attention!"

"Gengar, gen," Gengar appeared shocked that Kenny had suddenly snapped at it for being playful.

"I have a job for you," with this, Kenny grinned, and Stan could now see why the blond had Gengar as a Pokémon. The two were peas in a pod. "And its gonna be fun."

"Garrr," the purple ghost looked intrigued by what Kenny had to say, now giving the poor boy its undivided interest.

"See fatass in there?" Kenny hitched a thumb over his shoulder, to which Gengar stretched its stout body and looked over the fence to where Cartman was trying to hide the Pokéballs. After returning to its normal state of height, Gengar gave a nod of confirmation. "I want you to make him shit himself. Gengar, go greet our new neighbor. Use the move Scary Face."

As Kyle and Butters arrived atop Metagross, Gengar's red eyes lit up like Christmas day had come. "GAR! GENGAR!" Gengar was so excited that it shot over the fence in record time. A moment later, Cartman's girly screams filled the air while Stan and Kenny rushed into the yard. Apparently Kyle didn't bother with subtly as he had Metagross smash through the fence mere seconds afterward.

Gengar's face was even darker than before. Its body had become a toxic-looking mist while its red eyes glowed even brighter in its success at scaring Cartman. Stan would admit that if Kenny ever played that same trick on him, he'd beat the shit out of Kenny, good friends or not.

"Metagross, use Psychic and take away all the Pokéballs!' Kyle was quick to end the situation. His iron arachnid's eyes glowed light blue in direct contrast to the dull red they actually were. The Pokéballs in Cartman's clutches began to glow the same color and before Cartman could stop pissing himself over the demon come to take his soul that was Gengar, the balls were maneuvered through the air via telekinesis and dropped into Butters' arms.

"Gotta 'em all, Kyle! Gee, this sure is a lot." Butters said, slipping off Metagross after Kyle.

With Butters now in possession of his loot, Cartman was no longer terrified of the fucking ghost. He narrowed his eyes and stopped quivering in fear.

"KAHL! Give me back the goddamn Pokémon, you filthy Jew-thief! Frenchy" Cartman roared with anger, turning on his skunk creature.

"Oh shut up," Kyle spat, shaking his head while adjusting his coat, "Face it, its over Cartman. Whatever plan you had was stupid from the beginning."

Even Cartman could see that four against one were very bad odds to gamble against. He looked around, desperate for some means of escape, but this time he came up short. He had six Pokémon in total, but was sure they'd all lose considering how well his friends handled their own pocket monsters in pursuit of him.

"You guys, listen! We could be the very best! Like- Like no one ever was!" Cartman tried quickly, hoping to appeal to their egos and sense of pride, "These Pokémon these Pokémon, guys! To train them-"

"Cartman, don't go throwing Pokémon theme songs at us right now." Stan stepped forward while Kyle recalled Metagross to its Pokéball.

"But I have this!" Cartman, now with empty hands, dug into his jacket pocket and produced a small red and black flash-drive.

"And what exactly is that supposed to do for us?" Kenny asked, tossing Gengar's pokéball up and down in his hand. Gengar stood in front of Cartman, making stupid faces at the skunk Pokémon. Skuntank, however, was snubbing the Ghost-type by sticking its nose in the air and ignoring Gengar's actions.

Stan looked down at the skunk creature. Skuntank was a medium sized mammalian Pokémon with dark purple fur except for the white stripe running down it back. To Stan it looked more like a cat than any skunk he'd ever seen, what with its cat-like fangs and snobbish attitude. Its cheeks were a tan coloration. The whiskers present on its pre-evolution were gone, replaced instead by furry purple tufts on the sides of Skuntank's face. Skuntank's legs were also tan, and the tan coloration of its underside had a spiky pattern that Stan could just make out from where the Pokémon was standing in the tall snowfall. The skunk Pokémon's most notable and obvious feature, however, was that it had its tail over its back, atop its head, and over its face like some sort of weird hairdo.

* * *

><p>"Because it could work, Kyle! It could work!" Stan snapped out of inspecting Cartman's Pokémon to tune back into the conversation.<p>

"What could work?" Stan asked, blinking in confusion.

"Cartman, along with taking the Pokémon from the lab, also stole the flash drive Mephesto had of collective data on all the Pokémon in his game." Kyle growled, now standing beside him and Kenny while Butters was behind them slightly.

"So? What, is that like three hundred? Four hundred?" Stan asked, but before Kyle could speak, Cartman scoffed.

"I'm not like you fags. When I play, I play to _win._ Face it, I'm just really awesome at Pokémon." Cartman was rather smug to say that they had originally been catching after him to kick his ass.

"No you're not." Kyle growled, "Using the fucking ActionReplay does NOT make you good at Pokémon. It makes you a cheater _and_ a loser."

"How many does he have?" Stan asked, not seeing what the big deal was or why Kyle was so angry.

"Fatass here has all seven hundred and nineteen Pokémon," Kenny was mad too, but Stan was honestly impressed that Cartman could achieve such a feat even while cheating.

"Yeah, but he's only caught forty-seven actual Pokémon in game!" Kyle made known, to which Cartman shouted indignantly about.

"If I'm a loser, then how come I'm the only one with a complete Pokédex, huh Kyle?" Cartman sung with all the arrogance he could.

"_BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING CHEATER_!" Kyle yelled back, but then rubbed his temples.

"Look, Kyle, cheater or not, I have seen all the Pokémon." Cartman stated, to which none of them could deny, "Mephesto used my game to make his machine work. Imagine it, guys. Us as the world's first REAL Pokémon trainers with the world's first REAL Pokédexes! We'd be just like Red and all those less important assholes from the original game!"

"Except better because we're picking up bitches!" Kenny thrust a fist in the air, no longer concerned with beating up Cartman when he could be getting laid.

"What do you say, Stan?" Cartman knew that if Stan agreed with his plan, the other idiots were easy pickings. "You could be the most powerful of my Elite."

"_YOUR_ Elite?!" Kyle roared. Cartman turned to him, and saw that the others were also disgusted by the idea of being apart of a team championed by him. "If any of us would be the leader, it'd be Stan. You're last on that rung, Cartman."

"No, fuck you, Kyle! I'm the Champion! Stan is too much of a pussy to be Champion." Cartman made quick to look at Stan, who appeared mildly shocked and confused, "No offense, Stan."

"Uhh, none taken…" Stan would be more offended if Cartman weren't such an asshole all the time.

"I'm the one that got Pokémon created in the first place. I deserve to be Champion." Cartman argued, but before Stan could open his mouth, Kyle was arguing back on his behalf.

"Yeah, but Stan could wipe the floor with you. Hell, we all could, even Butters!" Kyle said, patting Butters' shoulder.

"Goddamnit, I am not a worst Pokémon trainer than BUTTERS!" Cartman raged, but no one was paying him any attention.

"So its settled, Stan is Champion and the rest of us are the Elite Four." Kyle and the others nodded to Kenny's words while Cartman was still fuming over having his position occupied by a hippie-loving pussy like Stan. "And if we want any more Pokémon, we need to get back on Mephesto's good side."

"He wants money, but shucks, we don't have any." Butters spoke with dejection, his head hanging as he felt sad. All those poor Pokémon still trapped up there either in the machine or with only Mephesto for company.

"Token!" Stan exclaimed as the light bulb went off in his head, "Guys, Token could pay up! He's loaded and loves Pokémon more than anything! He'll front us the cash!"

"Yeah," Kenny agreed, nodding his head, "Plus it'll be, like, what? A week's allowance to him? He won't care so long as we cut him in on the deal and get him a few Pokémon of his own.

"I guess that could work… if only so we can stop Mephesto from abusing the machine." Kyle agreed, if only reluctantly, "It'd be even better if we could get the machine away from Mephesto. Token could probably buy the machine, too."

"Screw the machine and paying Mephesto!" the others once again were forced to remember that Cartman was amongst them, "I'm the fucking Champion!"

"Stan was better than all of us, even in Chinpokomon back when that off-brand Nintendo company was trying to destroy the American government." Kyle spat, facing Cartman as the two glared each other down.

"Oh, you're talking about the Nin_10_Dude company? I still have a bunch of games from them." Kenny announced, but then stroked his chin, "Didn't they end up being sued or something for copyright?"

"God-Dammit, Kenny, you black asshole, nobody cares about fucking Nin_10_Dude or their shitty games!" Cartman was absolutely livid and if Kenny's parents weren't probably stoned outta their minds, they'd have come snooping around for the cause of all the noise.

"I created Pokémon! It was me that got it brought to life! I made Mephesto make the Pokéballs! _I'M THE FUCKING CHAMPION_!" Cartman finished his rant by swiping his arm across the air with enough force to disrupt the snow falling in front of them all. For a few seconds, it was like the world stood still.

"You'd be a Champion alone," Kyle said flatly, leveling Eric Cartman with his most deadpan expression.

"He's right though," Stan spoke up, smiling a little while stepping forward, "Cartman really did get all that stuff done. But, face it, no one wants to follow Cartman after all the shit he's done over the years."

"Aye!" Cartman objected to the clear act on his character.

"I'm Champion, there's no getting around it." Stan shrugged his shoulders casually as he walked into the middle of the group. "So there's really only one way to settle this once and for all."

"Gen-Gar?" Gengar looked confused, but Kenny quickly returned it to its Pokéball so it could stop interrupting the dramatic moment.

"What's that, Stan?" Butters questioned in utter bewilderment.

"Well, the way they did things in Pokémon Diamond and Pearl was that the Elite Four could challenge the Champion any time they wanted, right?" here Stan cut his gaze to Cartman, who flinched back minutely at the soft yet steely look from the taller boy. Stan's eyes seemed to take on an eerie amount of coolness, even for his being a tripped out hippie asshole. "Then there's your chance, Cartman. Me versus you, one battle. I beat you, you never challenge me being the Champion ever again. You beat me, you're the leader until someone else beats you."

Cartman was dumbstruck for a few moments, just like the others were in the wake of how Stan actually giving Cartman a shot at the top.

"Dude…!" Kyle gasped, not sure what the fuck was wrong with Stan. Sure Cartman would bitch about not being the Champion for a few days, but they all knew he'd get over it just as fast. Here Stan was issuing the challenge for not just fatass, but everyone to fight him for his title.

"Well gosh, you fellas can't battle it out right here and now," Butters interjected, "Your Pokémon are all too new. And its really cold out here for the little guys! Shucks, I bet after a few days of hard work and exercise, they'll be in tip-top shape for fighting. And the weather'll probably warm up a bit, too."

"Butters is right about that. You'll need a week to get your Pokémon ready. In the meantime, we can try convincing Token to help us dealing with Mephesto." Kyle nodded in affirmation to his own thoughts.

"Then its settled," Kenny grinned while the wind picked up to shake the loose fence boards around his backyard and billow around them, "We'll convince Token to help us, we deal with Mephesto, and then Hippie-bitch and Fatass will have their epic battle. Perfect!"

"Agreed," Stan nodded, smirking at Cartman, "Don't be a little bitch of a sore loser when I curb stomp you, fatass."

"Just prepare to be my bitch, you Liberal ass-sucker," Cartman and Stan locked eyes, determined to defeat the other.

Kyle leaned forward to whisper to Stan, who never broke eye contact with Cartman, "Dude, why the fuck are you doing this? Cartman's an asswipe, even if he won no one would follow him and we'd all just make you the leader again anyway. He'd bitch, he'd moan, and he'd get the fuck over it."

"This is revenge for when he sued me and got half my stuff back in fourth grade," Stan muttered back to Kyle.

"Oh! Kick ass, dude!" Kyle was honestly impressed with the grudge Stan had kept secret over the past few years. After all that sexual harassment lawsuit stuff, Kyle had simply assumed Stan had moved past it all like the rest of them. Apparently Stan had some things buried deeper than Kyle and the others thought. To be honest, it made Kyle think better of his super best friend. It made Stan way less of a pussy in Kyle's eyes.

While Kyle was thinking of the bad boy buried deep within Stan's go-with-the-flow bullshit, Cartman and Stan were still staring one another down.

There would only be one Champion, and neither would give an inch. Both wanted too much to see the other as their bitch.


	4. The Black Plague

**Chapter 4: The Black Plague**

* * *

><p>A few days had passed since they had to chase Cartman down from Mephesto's lab all the way across the tracks to Kenny's backyard. A few days since they discovered that in a petty and pathetic attempt at revenge, Cartman had come to endanger the world by bringing Pokémon into reality. Three days since Stan was proclaimed their Champion with the rest of them acting as the Elite Four. But only forty-eight hours since they all realized just how incredibly awesome it was to own and master Pokémon for real.<p>

In that short elapse of time, a routine had developed. Or at least, a routine for Kyle. In the mornings he would get up early. Not much, just around four in the freezing morning simply so he could release his Pokémon into the backyard so they could eat. Apparently dry foods for cats and dogs worked perfectly fine for Pokémon as well. Thankfully none of his pocket monsters were picky eaters. Training Psychic-types for Kyle was like working out at the gym, with the exception that instead of building muscles, Kyle's Pokémon were flexing their brains by lifting things with their psychic attacks. Otherwise it was pretty much target practice with Ice Beam or Hammer Arm. Two hours later would find Kyle recalling them until later while he went back inside to eat breakfast himself before heading out to meet Stan and the others for school.

While at school they talked about nothing else but Pokémon and felt like everyone knew what they were hiding. Mephesto hadn't gone public just yet, but every second sitting in a classroom felt like an eternity of boredom and agony. The government could be breaking down their door any moment, and— HOW THE FUCK WAS STAN SO CALM ABOUT ALL THIS?! The asshole could just sit there and do his school work like any other day while Kyle was having a miniature panic attack for Christ's sake! True, he didn't look like it and some even said he was more stress-free than normal, but he was dying on the inside. Oh well, maybe Stan and the others were, too.

Once school was out it was either homework immediately or they'd meet somewhere out of the way to train their Pokémon. Stan's uncle Jimbo let them use his ranch since he was always away hunting with his butt-buddy Ned. Stan made sure to deck Cartman for that last remark, but otherwise everything was pretty sweet. It was after yesterday that Kyle stopped his own training earlier to see how Stan was taming and training his beasts. That was when Kyle learned just how much of an asshole Stan truly was. Stan had been using his Pokémon and their skills to do chores for his uncle Jimbo in exchange for the use of his ranch. True, Jimbo probably didn't know that otherworldly creatures of immense destructive power were the ones getting rid of the snow and ice, or chopping down trees for firewood, but it was still immensely wrong.

How could that unbelievable asshole not share the idea with them?! Better yet, Kyle thought as he watched Stan order his Tropius to demolish another tree, how the hell had he not thought of it himself?

Now Kyle had his room remodeled thanks to the use of his Pokémon and their psychic powers while also never having to shovel snow or salt the backyard. Yup, Kyle found that the ability to literally breathe fire could actually be used for good instead of just plain evil. Now if only he could teach them to wash dishes from outside or closed off up in his room…

The fourth day was here, and Kyle was greeting the sun as it rose while training his team.

"Okay, Metagross, use Meteor Mash on the tree!" Kyle was way too into this as he pumped a fist into the air.

"Meh-Tah!" Metagross zoomed through the air at the overgrown Douglas-fir. The Iron Leg Pokémon reared back what Kyle could only percieve to be its fist. The hand glowed white before becoming the silhouette of a golden meteor which encompassed its entire hand. When the fist made contact with the tree, it snapped like a twig with a loud —_CRACK!_— while a shower of star particles come out in a burst of white light from Metagross's hand.

"Now, Bronze!" Kyle turned to the Bell Pokémon who was beside him, "Use your Psychic attack to catch the tree before it falls."

"BRONZ!" the metallic creature bellowed, though was getting better at being quiet. Its red eye designs glowed blue and soon the collapsing tree did the same. The Douglas-fir stopped in its descent. While Metagross scooted through the air back to Kyle's side.

"Alright, lower it gently into the yard. Lay it flat on the ground." Kyle instructed, to which Bronzong did without complaint. When the tree rested on the snowy ground and stopped glowing, Kyle made sure to show his affection for both Pokémon by petting them and giving each a dog treat. Kyle was still unsure how Bronzong ate, unlike Metagross who at least had a mouth hidden under all that metal. But all the same he throw the treat up, and with a single flip Bronzong had caught and consumed the reward with Kyle still bewildered as to how its digestive organs worked.

"Thanks you two," Kyle said, digging out their Pokéballs from his pajama bottom pockets. He had now labeled each with a sticker of the respective Pokémon, so now he'd never be confused as to which orb belonged to which monster. "Now get some rest. We have more training today after school." he returned them to their Pokéballs with a beam with red light and headed inside for breakfast.

* * *

><p>Breakfast was always a boring affair in Kyle's house, mostly because it was just for show. None of them had anything to talk about most of the time, and all of them had places to be afterward. Ike and Kyle had to be at the bus stop within thirty minutes of when breakfast normally occurred. Their father had clients who needed to sue people, or in turn were being sued. And their mother was always onto a new cause to fight for every week or so which did morning rallies and meeting.<p>

School was a lot more hectic than breakfast with the Broflovski family. Since the generation was growing up and South Park didn't really have money in the budget to create a whole new school, the idiots who ran their pissant little mountain town decided to simply keep the same school, barely standing foundation and all. The teachers were the same, the building was the same, but the material was only a touch more difficult. That is, not for Kyle.

Even now Kyle was practically falling asleep as the teacher droned on and on about something he could care less about. Kyle was either sleepy in class or constantly fidgeting in his seat while throwing nervous glances at the door. Any moment now government agents, the mayor, or the police chief would barge right on through the door and call their names before demanding they follow the official somewhere. And then they'd be questioned about the Pokémon and their involvement, and the world would be doomed because everyone would then want Pokémon for pets. The world would be doomed because only a select few would know the difference between games and reality. How in games fire just disappeared if an attack missed, but in real life entire cities burned because two ten year-olds decided they could battle their Pokémon in the middle of their local neighborhood on the street.

"—Kyle you black asshole, wake the fuck up!" Kyle was startled from his condescending thoughts by Cartman shaking him like a rag doll.

"Dude, what's up?" Stan had removed Cartman's filthy touch from Kyle's present and replaced it with a comforting hand. "You've been sleeping through English a lot this week."

"English?" Kyle had honestly assumed they were still in Homeroom.

"Yeah, but on to the point," Kenny started as they wanted out into the madness of the hallway.

No longer the little mountain children they were a few years ago, now they had grown up and out as the too small halls became even smaller with human traffic jams at the point of every classroom doors, bathrooms, and hallway intersections. Thankfully they were on such a tight schedule that not many cared to dillydally when they had class on the other side of the building.

Right now was Free Period for their group, Class 1-A.

"I think today's the day we bring Token in on the deal," Kenny closed his locker while Stan was still digging through his. Cartman and Butters stood around waiting for them as Kyle grabbed his Math textbook and shut the door to his locker on the other side of Stan from where Kenny and the others stood. "I heard from Tweek that heard from Craig, who got it from Clyde that Token just got an _increase_ in his allowance because he made good grades."

"Really? Are you sure?" Cartman looked a little skeptical.

"Yeah dude, Tweek won't lie. That kid's too fucked up to lie to anyone." Kenny leaned against his locker while Stan was still rifling through his junk. "All we need is a plan to get Token on our side without actually showing him the Pokémon. If push comes to shove, we'll do it as a last resort."

They all usually carried their Pokéballs around with them at all times. Kyle kept at least two of his in his jacket pocket, but the rest were in a nap sack he hid in his backpack. He had no clue where Kenny or the others hid theirs, but he suspected that Stan kept his inside the clutter of his locker until school let out.

"Where is Token right now?" Stan inquired, getting up from his knees and shutting his locker door. Kyle's locker was right on top of his. Not because it was chosen, but because Stan was nice enough to switch with him.

"He's in the gym for PE. If we wait until after school, we can ambush him on his way home. He walks alone, and takes the long way home through the middle of town," Cartman stated without a minute's shame for the fact he knew Token's routine.

"What about tr-training today?" Butters asked, knocking his knuckles together nervously. He still had his misgivings about them involving Token so soon. Cartman and Kenny were still having problems with controlling some of their Pokémon. Mainly Kenny's Gengar and Cartman's other pocket monsters aside from Houndoom and Skuntank.

"We'll bring Token if that's what it takes to convince him to help us," Kyle said. There was no way they could leave Mephesto with the Pokémon creation machine. Adults, even the intelligent ones, were idiots in South Park. Every moment that ticked away was another that Mephesto could make one of the stupidest decisions in the history of mankind.

When the final bell rang, the school descended into the normal chaos at the end of every school day. Stan had to go back to his locker for "something", to which Kyle threw a smug look, but he promised to meet them outside so they could catch up to Token.

* * *

><p>Token Black was a probably still one of the only black people in South Park, Colorado. In fact, Kyle was sure of it since Token's parents didn't have any other children. Kyle didn't understand why that was, even after that whole ordeal with the town forcing rich people out, but he supposed that all the Black family's money made the pain of ethnic isolation all the more dull.<p>

Following Token was as uneventful as it was suspenseful. Every turn he made they needed to stay at least a few building behind. Every stop the dark-skinned boy made, they had to duck into an alleyway. It was all Cartman's idea, and since Kenny kept pulling him and Butters away from trying to talk to Token like normal people, it was of no great shock when Token caught on.

"Oh, its you guys," Token greeted without having even turned around to face them. In fact, they had sprinted to catch up with him and he had never even glanced back to see who it was.

"Oh, Token, bro, didn't see you there!" Cartman made a show of looking surprised, "How you doing, bro?"

"How'd you know we were following you?" Kenny asked, ignoring Cartman's act entirely, "You didn't even look back!"

"I can smell Butters' Hello Kitty Island Adventure perfume and the KFC that Cartman's been sweating since the fourth grade. Plus, Kenny's little rat friends have been coming out of hiding two blocks ahead of him." Token finally turned around, his mocha skin accented by the arch of his eyebrow and his nonchalant expression. "Where's Stan?"

"In front of you," Stan came out of the alley ahead of Token, whose brow only rose higher without looking back.

"You're not wearing that AXE Body crap you always do," Token commented easily.

"I took a shower after gym today." Stan shrugged casually.

"You planned to follow me then?" this time Token did turn to face Stan, who had walked up to Token and placed a hand on the teen's shoulder.

"Since after third period," Stan was smiling brightly again, and Token looked bored with the exchange already.

"What the hell do you guys want?"

"Remember how you were going around tellin' everyone how your parents raised your allowance?" Kenny chimed in, popping up on the other side of Token, opposite Stan.

Token backed away slightly due to Kenny's poor clothes smelling of rotten milk or something, "…Yeah…"

"Token, dude, how would you like to turn that money into a childhood dream come true?" Cartman was all car salesman now, moving in for the kill as he slung an arm around Token's shoulder while the rest of the group gathered around. They began walking on the way to Token's house in the hills.

"Childhood dream?" Token echoed with little care in his tone.

"Token, what we're about to offer is nothing short of a miracle!" Cartman praised, but Kyle was having none of that.

"A miracle crafted by a jackass!" Cartman glared bitterly toward Kyle for his remark.

"A FUCKING MIRACLE NONE THE LESS! Now shut your goddamn Jew mouth, Kike!" Cartman exploded, making Token slowly back away from him.

"The point is, it's a miracle." Kenny took over the sell, elbowing Cartman out of the way. "Token, we have chosen you to join us in the glorious rise of childhood dreams from the ashes of puberty's furious onslaught."

"Gee whiz, that was neat-o, Kenny!" Butters cheered, applauding Kenny's sale pitch lightly.

* * *

><p>"San, what the fuck is going on here?" Token was having no bullshit at the moment. He had done sprints in the gym, he was sure he just failed his Geography test, and no girl would talk to him because he was apparently "insensitive" to Clyde's confused sexuality.<p>

"We're almost to your house. We'll show you there, where no one can see." Token's eyes narrowed at the tone Stan's voice took on. "Just know that everything is legit and super real."

"You said childhood dreams becoming reality. Did you mean _my_ dreams?" Token questioned since they had all quieted once his house came into view.

"Think about it, Token," Cartman spoke up from the back of the group with Butters and Kyle, "What did you want to come true more than anything?"

"More people like me living around here, and less like you," Token was as cold as ice, and Kenny was cracking up with laughter at the way Cartman's face froze. "But that's cool. At least I've got Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Craig."

"Awesome! We're black, dude!" Kenny gave Stan a hyper high-five. Stan's response was just to laugh merrily at Kenny's childish antics.

"So just how would you give me a childhood fantasy come true?" the heir to the Black family fortune looked over at Stan for the answer, but it was Kenny who spoke.

"Cartman was being a little prissy bitch about us not hanging out with him the other day, and he went out and did something incredibly stupid." Kenny explained.

"Yeah, but this time it had the added benefit of being really fucking awesome, Token." Stan made sure to make significant eye contact with Token as the other opened the gates to his house and let them into his domain.

"And now we kinda need your help to keep a lid on the really dangerous parts of it all," Kyle spoke up for the first time since they had left town.

"Wait," Token held up a hand as he let the others into his house and took off his trademark purple cashmere sweater, "this doesn't have anything to do with that stuff on the news the other day, does it? The one where they were talking about how fat Cartman is and then he came out to beat the reporter into intensive care?"

"The very same," Cartman boasted, his meaty chin held high with pride.

"And you came to me… for my money?" Token looked directly at Stan, who shrugged lightly.

"Come on, dude, don't be an asshole. Once you find out what we're up to, you'll be down on the ground licking our balls for a chance to jump onboard."

"Its not like that jet ski scam again, is it? Because I already have, like, five of them if you guys want them. Stark's pond is okay, but my parents are bored of tropical weather and sunny beaches." Token said, leading the boys through the house foyer and toward the backyard where he kept all his junk in the family junk shed. Dirt bikes, jet skis, ATVs, go-carts.

You know, all the usual trash he collected and quickly grew bored of.

"Dude," Kyle breathed, looking at Token as if the darker boy were crazy for just giving away anything, "just how rich is your family?"

"I'll take one of those jet skis." Cartman threw in, but Kenny elbowed him in the ribs, hard.

"We're not here to scam you, Token. We're here to include you in our really amazing discovery and to let you be a major part of how events shape from this point on." Kyle elaborated without giving away too much, to which Token only cocked an eyebrow in waiting.

"Token, when you were ten you were fucking jazzing your pants for something. Every few years or so, you'd pre-order and lock yourself in your room for days. Now is the chance to get in on the next level. A whole new level, never before seen." Stan said while reaching in his backpack.

When Stan removed his hand from the bag, he held clutched in his grasp a red and white sphere with a black band going around the middle. At the center of the shiny metallic orb was a white button, one Stan pressed his middle finger to in order for the sphere to double in size. Token's eyes grew as the ball did in Stan's hold, but things weren't done there. Stan smirked as he tossed the Pokéball into the air where it opened, releasing from itself a cast of white light in the form of a free radical beam. Out into the cloudy day, Tropius appeared to the side of the group with a gentle hum.

Thud.

Token had gone down, but Kenny and the others were on it. Thankfully, the heir to all that money and their friend was not hurt, but merely stunned as he peered up with dark brown eyes at the prehistoric behemoth.

"Fucking Christ, Stan…" he muttered, utterly beside himself with shock and awe.

"It gets better," Stan assured before turning his gaze upward at Tropius, who looked down at Stan with expectation. "Tropius, use Sunny Day to clear up the sky."

Tropius heard and obeyed its owner's command. The Fruit Pokémon's normally tranquil eyes became fiery. White orbs began to appear at the four large leaves Tropius used for wings. With a flap of those wings, Tropius sent the white orbs toward the sky. For a moment, everything was silent. Then the next, the clouds burst open and deteriorated from view as strong sunlight broke through the increasing gap. Already Kyle was beginning to feel heated in his winter clothes, but to Kenny the temperature and new sunlight felt just the perfect amount of heat and cool air.

"Holy shit burgers, Stan…" Token gaped at the Pokémon, who appreciating its own work by bathing in the newfound sunlight. The green giant did not appear to like the cold mountainous climate, but with powers like Sunny Day, climate wasn't an issue it had to put up with at the moment.

"Be more careful with that shit, dude," Kyle shoved Stan lightly, peeling off his jacket a second later. "Jesus Christ, man, its like a fucking oven out now. You could damage the ecosystem, or something."

"Nah, its all good." Stan waved off Kyle's concerns, "Something this small won't have any major effects on climate changes. Besides, I've tested this power out before. It only lasts a few hours, and it only extends a certain distance without compromising the geological patterns neighboring it."

"Speak English, asshole," Kenny joked, taking a shot at Stan.

"Meaning its bright and hot here at Token's house, but its still dark and snowy over the town." Stan explained in basic terms, shooting Kyle a wink. "People will just think it's a break in cloud coverage over Token's place, or that Token's folks could afford to pay for weather not fuck them over."

"People do like to think the latter…" Token mumbled, forgetting his trepidation with Pokémon being real for a second to reflect on how he and his family were taunted by the town for being rich.

Not because they were black, but because they were far wealthier than any of the other South Park families. Since, ya know, South Park was just that fucked up.

"Still… This shit is HUGE, guys!" Token was back to gaping at Tropius, who was now freely wandering the grounds of Token's massive hilltop backyard. Thankfully the full fence was just as tall as Tropius, so no one could see the fruit monster even if their prying eyes wanted to.

"So do you wanna help us?" Stan asked, reaching out a hand to Tropius, who lowered its head so Stan could pet it affectionately.

"HELLS YES!" Token exclaimed, throwing up his hands for extra emphasize.

"Okay, let's go back inside then. Kyle was right, it is getting hot out here." Stan said, unbuttoning his jacket a little. "Tropius can stay out here for a little while. He needs the heat and sunlight."

* * *

><p>"Are there any more? Of the Pokémon, I mean." Token questioned with all the excitement of a five year-old.<p>

"Yeah, we've got tons!" Cartman answered, giving a wicked chuckle, "And all we'll need from you is the low sum of… one jet ski!"

"Cartman! Shut up!" Kyle shouted at the biggest amongst them. He then turned to face Token, "Dude, we need your money to pay off Mephesto and see if we can't buy his equipment from him."

"Equipment?" Token echoed, tilting his head in confusion.

"Yeah," Butters nodded, "W-Well, you see, Eric went and made good ol' Doctor Mephesto whip up a machine that makes Pokémon from his Nintendo game."

"Yeah, but if you can swing it, we want you to pay him off to make Pokédexes for all of us." Kenny added on, to which Stan slapped him in the back of the head. They were already asking a lot of Token, they shouldn't be greedy.

"Chump change!" Token proclaimed, looking out at Tropius as it lowered its head to nip at the grass in his backyard, "Especially for something this amazing!"

"Then you'll help us?" Stan couldn't believe Token was agreeing to what they were asking so easily.

"I just have two condition," Token said, calming his excitement for the moment to think.

"What? Anything, dude!" Kenny said while Stan nodded.

"First, show me more of the Pokémon. Just so I'm sure this isn't another of Cartman's tricks, I want to see a Pokémon from each of you." Token spoke with a seriousness that seemed unearthly for him.

"No problem," Kyle said as he dug through his pockets for the right ball. "Unlike Stan, our Pokémon are a lot smaller."

"Get ready for a real good show." Kenny smirked as he tapped the button on the front of his Pokéball, making it double in size.

"Hn, you won't be able to handle the awesomeness of my Pokémon." Cartman assured while preparing to release one of his own.

"I guess I can let out another. Tropius is looking a little lonely," Stan took out another Pokéball.

"Geez whiz, fellas. My little ones have been wanting to play with the other Pokémon since we started training," Butters told them as he reached into his backpack and got out a Pokéball of his own.

"Come on out!" they all said, throwing the five orbs into the air. The combined light of five releases was so bright that Token had to look away.

"BRONZONG!"

"GEN-GAR!"

"HOUN!"

"POLI-WRATH!"

"EE-VEE!"

"Holy shitballs, dudes!" Token exclaimed while gripping at his hair. He couldn't believe his eyes. Five completely different— COMPLETELY REAL— Pokémon were just standing around in the foyer of his house! "Five different Pokémon from the first four regions! Jesus-FUCKING-Christ, man!"

"So do you really believe us now?" Kenny asked, even as Gengar gave a sinister chortle. Butters' Eevee was playing around at the ghost Pokémon's legs. Poliwrath was showing its muscles off to Bronzong while Houndoom turned its nose up to everyone in the room, especially Cartman.

"I believed you the first time, but…. Damn, dudes! This is some pretty fucked up shit, right here." Token breathed. He couldn't help but gape at the creatures.

"Poliwrath, the Tadpole Pokémon," Token observed the strength Stan's Poliwrath displayed in the flexing of its powerful bodybuilder muscles, "it's an excellent swimmer and its powerful muscles make most of its physical attacks extremely effective."

"That's cool," Stan smiled as he placed a hand on Poliwrath's head and proceeded to pet the Pokémon.

"Bronzong, the Bronze Bell Pokémon," Token saw the shine of Bronzong's metal coating, "Bronzong are able to sleep for well over two thousand years and in ancient times in the Pokémon world they were revered as the bringers of plentiful harvest due to their ability to summon rain and rain clouds from nowhere."

"You mean that move Rain Dance?" Kyle questioned while looking between Token and Bronzong. He had no idea that Bronzong could create rain, but after seeing Stan's Tropius make such strong sunlight, Kyle supposed changing the weather was a small task for creatures as powerful and diverse as Pokémon.

"Gengar, the Shadow Pokémon," the heir to the Black family fortune saw the mischief within Gengar's eyes and cheeky grin. That's when Gengar started making exaggerated faces at him, contorting its own features to look silly, "it is said that they can absorb all the surrounding heat around them, leaving an area in a sudden chill."

"Not this little guy," Kenny said, rubbing Gengar's head, but pulled back when he felt the cold chill of the ghost's temperature. Gengar laughed at the stupidity of its owner.

"Houndoom, the Dark Pokémon," Token walked over and rubbed the canine's head, to which it allowed for a moment before snubbing even Token. That was, until Token began to scratch behind its horns, which had the normally moody Pokémon belly up and panting, "Their howl is supposed to be so eerie that it causes others to shudder in fear."

"You traitorous bitch…" Cartman muttered with his arms crossed while glaring down at his Pokémon. Houndoom responded by growling at the fat boy, causing Eric to flinch back at the angry response and the fact that it both heard and understood his words.

"And little Eevee," Token reached over to pet Eevee's head while playing with Houndoom. He could clearly see that Butters was taking very good care of the Pokémon. Like any animal that was good and health, Eevee's furry coat was shiny and luscious. Obviously Butters was a very good trainer to his Pokémon, "the base in the evolutionary line to _eight_ different Pokémon. They even call Eevee and its evolved forms the Eeveelutions. Eevee is such a unique Pokémon that it can change its form and abilities to suit its environment when evolving."

"Ee-Vee!" the small Pokémon cried with happiness while Butters knelt down and hugged it.

"Yuppers! You're my special little fella!" Butters showed Eevee much love, and Eevee returned it all equally.

"So what was the other thing you wanted, Token?" Kyle asked, not one to be distracted for long.

"Isn't it obvious?" Token asked, but all the boys held a blank look, "I want my own Pokémon."

"Dude!" Kyle and Cartman looked at each other in shock, then rage as they realized they had both shouted in unison.

"Token, brah, go fuck yourself." Cartman had absolutely no quarrels with saying to the kid's face, "Us owning Pokémon is what makes us better than everyone else. If we give you Pokémon too, then actually having Pokémon becomes less special. Therefore, no, you may not have a Pokémon and can, as stated before, go fuck yourself."

"That's not the point, Cartman, you unbelievable asshole!" Kyle raged, then turned to give Token a serious look, "Token, we're trying to stop the spread and contain it. That's why we came to you in the first place. We need your help getting the machine out of Mephesto's hands. Sure it looks like he hasn't done anything just yet, but sooner or later things are gonna snowball out of control. The more people who know about this is the more people who'll want to have Pokémon, thus equaling more danger. Token, you have all the cards, games, and episodes! You of all people should know just how much shit Pokémon can fuck up!"

"Oh come on, Kyle, everything will be cool." Token tried to win the fiery-haired Jew over with a smile, but Kyle was like a stone wall of conviction on this topic.

"Come on, Ky, Token's cool," Stan vouched for his black friend, "He's always wanted to own a Pokémon. It's been his dream since he was, like, five years old! Besides, if anyone can give a Pokémon the good life, it would be Token."

Stan began to tick off things with his fingers.

"Token could get them the best animal food available." Stan ticked off his first finger, to which Token nodded.

"I could even have my pet chef actually make Pokémon Food." the dark-skinned boy was quick to throw around his wealth in the face of a long held dream.

"He could have a person groom them,"

"Money helps a lot of people shut up." Kenny added in his own commentary.

"I could have a fashion designer make belts with magnetic clips for the Pokéballs. Easy reach and storage." Token said, already thinking of the list of contacts he needed to compile.

"I don't care, it's still too dangerous!" Kyle snapped, but Stan stood in his way with the stupid puppy dog look, Token joined him as well.

"Please, Kyle! Please! I've always wanted Pokémon. Please, Kyle!" Token was a teen of pride, but he threw that away quickly to get what he wanted, and right now he wanted a goddamn Pokémon of his very own.

"The guy's begging, dude." Stan pointed out, making Kyle's annoyance hit a boiling point.

"ALRIGHT, FINE!" Kyle roared, then closed his eyes and rubbed his temples to stave off the building headache, "Goddamnit…"

"Yes!" Token said, doing his happy dance, "You won't regret it, Kyle. I promise!"

"I am already…" Kyle shot the excited boy a deadpan look.

"Alright, Token, meet us at my Uncle Jimbo's ranch later today." Stan said, returning his Pokémon to their balls while the others did the same, "We have a bunch of Pokémon for you to choose from, so if you come by early enough before dark, then you'll get to train with us, too."

"Cool, sweet. Thanks, Stan." Token said quickly.

* * *

><p>Token was barely paying attention to Stan's words, he was so excited. He felt as if he were going to burst from anticipation. Kyle was now wagging his finger in his face and saying something about "no one" with Cartman adding in about kicking people in the nuts. Token didn't care. All he was doing at this point was imagining himself with all sorts of different Pokémon, battling and spending time with them the way Stan and the others must have. Butters was the last one out the door, bidding Token a farewell while following after the others. If he held this in for a moment longer, Token was sure he'd explode. Rushing up the stairs to his room, Token jumped from his door to his bed and grabbed the phone sitting atop his nightstand.<p>

"Come on, come on! Hurry up and pick up, you asshole!" Token felt angry that his call wasn't answered immediately, but when his friend's voice came from the other end, he was back to overwhelming excitement. "Dude, hey!"

"… what? No, look, don't be an asshole right now." Token flopped onto his back while twirling the loose strands of fabric on his sheets. Thousand-count sheets were so cheap…

"Okay, fuck it, I'm sorry! Are we cool now?" Token sat up, grinning when he was reassured, "Good, because do I have some heavy shit to dump in your lap!"

* * *

><p>A sleek black sedan vehicle drove through the picturesque mountain scenery of Colorado. In its journey it bypassed a sign which read thirty miles until South Park and sixty-three to Denver. The blonde female sitting in the back was not interested in the least by scenery. She stared with little wonder out the tinted window of her car without care for the distance. No, all she cared for was their destination.<p>

"Are you certain the reading came from here, Jervis?" the blonde inquired, to which her driver glanced in the rearview mirror whilst nodding.

"Indeed, milady. The reading indicate strong biochemical manifests within this region's mountain area. Since some time those few days past, the readings have shown a bit of fluidity, but have remained constant on the charts and strong." the man stated with a strong tone, "Furthermore, there have been lesser signals broken off from the main source since we've first established the location and all sources seem to center close to the local town of South Park."

"I care little for the details Jervis, and more for the results." the girl wasted no time in being soul-crushingly blunt with her words, "When is our estimated arrival?"

"Within the hour, young miss." the driver said, checking his watch for the time.

"I do hope this isn't another falsity." the blonde muttered, "I am getting rather tired of those. If we've wasted our time once more, kill whomever we meet with, Jervis."

"As you wish, milady." with those words, it was the first time the rather dry driver cracked a small smile. The passenger, however, remained bland and careless as they sped down the open highway toward South Park.

Toward their _target._


	5. Wanna See These Balls?

**Chapter 5: Wanna See These Balls?**

* * *

><p>Jimbo's ranch was a wide and vast portion of land with only a few structures here and there. The grass was lust and green since Stan and his Pokémon had worked hard to tidy up the place as Jimbo was being nice enough to allow them the use of his land. Cartman didn't see the point since Jimbo never came near his ranch on most days anyway.<p>

What with his being a drunken hunting redneck all the damn time.

In fact, they had not seen hide or hair of Jimbo or his not-so-secret butt-buddy Ned since after Stan had spoken to the man in person those four full days ago. If the man ever did show up, probably liquored up and ignorant as could be, he'd be amazed to see just how much of a pussy his nephew was toward nurturing the ranch and making the place better than it ever was under Jimbo's own negligent care.

Still looks like a piece of shit though, Cartman thought with a snide smile and his arms crossed. On the land sat worn rustic barn and barn-house. The paint was peeling on both, the floors creaked inside the house, and neither had seen a fresher day than when they were built, mostly likely by Jimbo's own half-inebriated hands and the sweat of at least three red-necks promised beer at the end.

The utility shed was in tattered condition, but Stan had to make use of some of the tools in order to fix the fields for their Pokémon to move around safely. Inside were cobwebs and dust galore. Not to mention the spiders and lizards who made it their domain over the years. After getting out the rake and a few other garden tools, Stan had worked the fields like a dirty Mexican right before the eyes of one Eric Theodore Cartman.

Next was Stan's cleaning of the chicken coop. That consisted mostly of him cleaning the dead chickens from the coop as they were trapped inside without food or water for what Kyle and Kenny estimated to be years. Kenny was nice— and brave— enough to help Stan, but Cartman was taking no part in that shit. Kyle opted out as well because dead things made him vomit. Vomit as in how Stan would puke when the raven-haired wuss first started getting the hots for that hippie bitch Wendy Testaburger.

Butters was traumatized badly when he tried to help. What could they say? Butters simply had never seen so many dead animal corpses and decaying bones in one sitting. It scarred the little fluff ball for life. All four of the other boys felt badly for him as he ran out all shaky and tearful.

After the coop was cleaned and not reeking of KFC gone _horribly_ wrong, Stan had directed his efforts to the well on Jimbo's property. Jimbo obviously never made much use the well other than as a trash bin whenever he and his drinking buddies wanted to pretend as though they were rich enough and majestic enough be a part of a British fox hunt. Cartman had grown bored watching Stan work like a Hebrew slave and so did Kenny. Kyle and Butters were fags, so they had stuck around, but when the three had returned to Cartman and Kenny, who had been talking in the shade of the rundown barn house, Stan had three garbage bags filled with beer bottles, beer cans, waterlogged porn magazines, and used condoms. Kenny and Cartman refused to touch any of their three friends, but Kyle was adamant on the theory they hadn't actually touched any of that stuff with their hands.

Pure speculation and bullshit, Kenny assured them, causing Kyle to smack him upside the head.

Cartman himself had scoffed in thought. How else did they clean out an underground well that ran at least thirty yards below the grassy farm estate? Stan, Butters, and Kyle were too goodie-goodie for them to have used their previous Pokémon for slave labor. He scoffed again. Not like Stan would have even allowed Kyle to have one of his psychic Pokémon use their telekinetic powers to fish out the trash. He'd probably bitch— with all that sand in his already crabby vagina— that it was akin to animal cruelty to make Pokémon do any work and how wrong it all would be. Blah, blah, blah. Cartman wasn't even sure if Pokémon powers worked that way in any world since those dumb hippies on the shows never seemed to catch onto the idea. There was no way an entire world of people went through life alongside Pokémon without at least one of them being too lazy to do something and then having their Pokémon do it. No freaking way!

But here he was digressing from the major point. All that work was spread over the course of the first and second day. The third day they spent on Jimbo's ranch training their Pokémon to be the best. Now here they were bored as shit, looking at their watches and flicking bits of woods around while waiting for that puckered asshole Token to show up.

"God-DAMMIT! Where is he?" Cartman was getting aggravated now. "That bitch! He should have chased us down the street, begging for Pokémon! Now he's fucking around with our important time."

"Calm down, Cartman." leave it to Stan to be the calmest butt-munch amongst all the hippies, "Dude, he'll show. He probably just had to let his parents know where he'd be. They weren't at his house when we were there."

"Ah snap, that's right," Kenny looked up from where he was migrating ants with a splinter of wood, "Token's parents are out of town for the next two weeks. He probably had chores to do."

"Heh, that's funny," Cartman chuckled darkly, "Rich kid with chores. Can you guys imagine?"

"Yeah, dude." Kyle said, then cleared his throat before continuing in a higher pitch, "Token, sweetie, be sure to hire a proper maid to clean the antique room. You know how your father loves his really gay collection of really old, even gayer commemorative plates."

They all shared a laugh at Token's expense since he was making them wait.

"No, no, Token! Hire the Mexican woman! Yes, Miss Consuela will get the job done! What, what!" Butter joined them, and they all fell out since it was _Butters_ who was now ripping on _Token_.

"Don't _go_ to the mall, Token sport! Just skip the fuss and _buy_ the mall! Then you can have all the designer jeans you want to look like a carrot-munching half-suffocated douchebag!" Kenny spoke up, apparently taking on the voice of Mister Black, Token's father.

"And stay away from that whore Testaburger girl, Wendy!" Stan joined in, and for a moment the others lost their smiles and good cheer. Wendy was always a sore subject for Stan. The two were cool enough, but whenever you spoke the outspoken girl's name in Stan's presence, you'd never be sure if Stan would be okay with it or if he'd knock your teeth out. Cartman found that most of Stan's reactions to Wendy were either his being cool with talking about her like a normal person, or being incredibly bitchy that the girl even exists. "She'll end up giving you AIDS!"

Cartman laughed his ass off while the others were stunned into silence.

"Dude!" Kyle was concerned for his best friend, moving close to see if Stan was okay.

"What? It was a joke!" Stan said in his own defense. "Wendy doesn't actually _have_ AIDS. If she did, I thing she would have said something about it by now."

"We just thought you were being a vicious little prick." Kenny piped in, to which Stan looked confused.

"No, me and Wendy are cool." everyone, even Cartman was giving him the disbelieving blank stare. Hell, even _Butters_! "I know I get a little pissed off sometimes about her, but that's only when I remember what an incredible crazy bitch she can be. Then I think, was she always like that? Is the girl I thought I was in love with, the sweet and smart Wendy, all just an act? Am _I_ the one who's crazy?"

"…Dude!" Kyle and the others were stunned into silence by Stan's honest omission. Honestly, sometimes Kyle felt his friend was just too much of a little pussy-fag-bitch about his feelings and shit. "Umm, look, Stan. It's okay. Wendy… Wendy was, like, a bitch. A _major_ bitch. We all know that."

"Yeah! Fuck Wendy and her hot tits!" Kenny proclaimed, pumping a fist into the air.

"And you are _not_ crazy." Kyle made sure Stan and he were in direct eye contact with one another. "Sometimes I feel that way, too, Stan. I find myself studying with her, and then I start thinking about where the evil two-timing part of her that kept cheating on guys goes to sleep inside her. It's okay though. Girls are just a fucking conundrum, dude."

"Bitches do be confusing at times," Kenny nodded to his own sagely wisdom.

"That's why I don't go for any bitch. If bitches act bi-polar around me, I say: Hey, bitch! Why don't you get off your period and make me a goddamn sandwich already! And if she gives me lip, I smack her around a bit." Cartman puffed out his chest to let his awesome woman-taming skills be known.

Stan hopped up off the porch of the old and worn barn house. His uncle Jimbo had left it barren and empty, but there could be worse things than spiders and lizards in the house, unlike the tool shed. Thirteen years the house was vacant, only in use once when Jimbo needed a place to crash outside the small town of South Park with Ned by his side. He knew his uncle was a total faggot and Ned was his little deformed butt-buddy, but honestly, Stan didn't give a shit. All he cared about was his friends and his life. To hell with what others decided to do with their own fucked up lives.

Except Kyle. Kyle needed his express verbal and written permission to have a fucked up life that did not include one Stanley Randall Marsh in its intimacy.

"You know what? Screw Wendy and waiting for Token!" Stan tightened his fist in front of him, a new energy bubbling up inside of him that needed immediate release. "Let's get some training in. If Token shows up, then he can watch and learn from the pros. And let's shake things up, too! No more of this training individually bullshit! Let's train together! All of us!"

"NOPE!" Kenny had jumped up too now, putting a hand in Stan's face like some pissed off valley cheerleader girl.

"What? Why the hell not?" Kyle asked. He wanted to train as a team. If they were going to be the Elite Four and Champion, then they needed more coordination and teamwork under their belts. They'd need to work out positions and ranking within their group, as well as their battling styles and training techniques.

"Cartman and Stan can't train together that closely. They both only have so many Pokémon. They'll know all of the other's moves and team, and then the battle they'll have Saturday won't be interesting at all." Kenny explained, pouting cutely and crossing his arms while stomping a foot. Stan blinked stupidly at the really gay stance Kenny took.

"Oh yeah…" Stan murmured, secretly having forgotten about the battle ever since he started to throw himself into working on the ranch with his Pokémon and training alongside them.

"Besides, we all know Cartman can't be trusted before any type of competition." Kenny and the others looked back at Cartman, who was busying himself with checking his fingernails. He looked up at them, sneering.

"What? We all know it's true, so don't make a big deal out of it. Geez…" Cartman was so calm in basically admitting to being a no-good cheating and corrupt asshole, Kyle and the others had to blink and pinch themselves secretly just so they were sure this was really the Eric Theodore Cartman they all knew and hated. Well, all except Butters.

Butters apparently couldn't grow enough balls to hate _anyone_.

"Then I'll train with Stan. Kenny, you go off and train with Cartman." Kyle suggested, waving a dismissive hand toward the blond.

"Aww, weak shitty sauce, Kyle man! How come I always get shuffled off with fat-ass?" Kenny pouted and stomped his foot while crossing his arms. Again it was extremely gay.

"Because, twink boy, if I went with Cartman, I would end up killing him and burying the body somewhere around here. You, however, have a much greater tolerate for his bullshit bigotry than I care to muster. And even if you can't muster up enough patience, you still won't kill him. You'll just beat the crap out of him." Kyle was quite blunt in his response to Kenny's childish little tantrum.

"Okay… but if you two fags go off to fuck somewhere without me, I'll kick your sexy little tight asses right into my bedroom!" Kenny winked at them, making Kyle's face flush with color as Stan simply smiled while he ignored Kenny's joke.

"Alright, me and Kyle will be over by the well that way. You guys can use the space by the barn over there." Stan pointed over past the house where the barn sat a walk away. Past the chicken coop and shed was the well.

* * *

><p>Reaching the well, Stan turned around as Kyle stood some length away from him. If two of their Pokémon were going to train, it would take some major space.<p>

"Let's try a battle first. I need to get in some practice before I kick Cartman's ass." Stan said, reaching into his pocket and taking out a Pokéball.

"Sure, dude. Just don't bitch when I win." Kyle smirked and Stan returned the gesture as they prepared for battle.

"I hope you're ready for this, dude." Stan called out to his best friend, "I'm not going to hold back against you. I'm going to go all out, so prepare to taste my power!"

Kyle chuckled before making his retort, "Ugh, sick, dude! I don't wanna taste any of your '_power'_. You filthy bastard."

"Not like that, turd burglar!" Stan made the Pokéball in his hand double in size with the press of a button.

"Go, Metagross!" Kyle released his most trusted Psychic-type. The Iron Leg Pokémon was ready to battle and bring about victory for its master.

"Kick ass, Poliwrath!" Stan threw his Pokéball out, releasing his Tadpole Pokémon. The bulky Water-type flexed its biceps several times while staring down Metagross.

"Dammit, stop showing off and just use Surf already!" Stan commanded.

"Poli-Wrath!" Poliwrath stomped it foot to the ground, and water rose up from nowhere. It rode the sudden wave. The water splashed harmlessly over Metagross, who barely seemed phased by the feeble wave.

"The fuck was that?" Kyle didn't care about how feeble the wave of water was, but the mere fact that Poliwrath had crafted water out of nowhere was amazing.

"He probably just summoned groundwater or something, let's just keep going." Stan shouted back over to his best friend, "Poliwrath, use Brick Break!"

"Metagross use Psychic to hold Poliwrath and then hit it with Meteor Mash!" Kyle countered while his Pokémon nodded.

Poliwrath had turned to the giant metal monster, and with a glowing gloved hand, tried to deliver a karate chop at the Iron Leg beast. Metagross glowed an intense blue aura of immense psychic power. It forcibly held the shocked Poliwrath in place before flying like a jet at the immobile Tadpole Pokémon.

"Oh, shit! Use Bubblebeam!" Stan scrambled for a response. Poliwrath narrowed its gaze at the metal Pokémon before blowing out a stream of dense bubbles. Metagross was more disturbed by this attack, breaking focus on its telekinetic hold and dropping Poliwrath just in time to avoid the meteoric metallic fist.

"What the—! Dude, screw this! Metagross, use your Meteor Mash again!" Kyle ordered.

"Poliwrath, use Mind Reader followed by Ice Beam!"

A twinkle filled Poliwrath's eyes as it watched Metagross. Kyle smirked as he watched his Pokémon sail closer and closer to Stan's tadpole fighter. The meteoric fist flew straight at Poliwrath's body, but at the last second Poliwrath dodged to the side. Kyle's jaw dropped as he saw Poliwrath charge a frosty beam of energy. Metagross grunted when it was hit in the side with the artic beam of pressurized ice.

"It's super-effective!" Stan was living it up while Kyle was grabbing and twisting at his hat in frustration. "Poliwrath, Mind Reader again! Then use Brick Break!"

"GODDAMNIT! Metagross, use Psychic!"

Again a twinkle of light entered Poliwrath's eyes. Kyle wasn't exactly sure what Mind Reader was doing for Poliwrath, but when the buff creature dug its fingers into the ground to keep from being thrown, he was sure it was something that needed to be stopped less the battle turn even worse. Whatever the move, it helped the Tadpole Pokémon evade all of Metagross's most powerful attacks. As soon as the blue glow faded, Poliwrath was up and racing over to Metagross. With a white glowing glove, Poliwrath delivered a powerful karate chop to the top of Metagross's head. It was so strong that the floating iron fortress that was Metagross dropped to the ground like a stone. The earth beneath the metal behemoth buckled under its weight, creating a crater. Dust flew up in every direction from its impact.

"Now kill it with Earthquake!" Stan ordered with a pointed finger.

"WH-WH-WHAT?" Kyle sputtered in shock while tearing at his fiery red locks of hair.

Poliwrath back-flipped from Metagross several times, and then stopped.

"Poli…WRATH!" the Tadpole Pokémon stomped its foot again, but this time with much greater force than before. The ground around them began to shake so violently that Kyle was thrown from his feet and on to the ground. So was Stan.

The one catching the worst of the tremor was Metagross, who seemed to have rocks and chunks of earth battering its metallic body far more so than was comfortable. Kyle, while on his hands and knees riding out the quake, could tell that despite the iron ore casing Metagross used for a body, it was being hurt like any other living creature. Sort of like if you bashed a computer with a brick a few times. Eventually both would end up the same.

Broken.

"Meh…tah…" the tremors stopped when Metagross was finally down for the count, but Poliwrath didn't seem much better off as it was breathing rather heavily. Its swirl patterns contracted and expanded while sweat dotted its dark blue body.

"HOLY SHIT, DUDE!" Kyle was sure he had the match in the bag when he chose to keep Metagross on the field in response to Stan's Water and Fighting-type. He would have never guessed Stan could use such a weird, yet amazing combination of moves to beat him.

While recalling his fallen Metagross, giving the Pokémon words of thanks for its efforts like they did in the show, Kyle looked over to see Stan acting like a five year-old on Christmas. The nature lover was cheering and celebrating with his Pokémon by giving it hugs and many thanks for battling so hard. Poliwrath seemed a completely different Pokémon than when it was battling. In battle the creature was so arrogant and focused, but now the overgrown tadpole looked so sweet and gentle in Stan's hugging arms. Kyle smiled, knowing that Stan's love for animals of all shapes and sizes was one of the many reasons he respected and admired his best friend. It was also why more than half the girls and gay kids in their school had a crush on Stan, because they all liked a guy who showed even that psycho-bitch Wendy so much love, respect and devotion, especially after all the incidences of her cheating on him. If such wonderful emotions could be given to someone so easily, then Kyle knew he'd never do anything to break Stan's heart or his trust.

"Kyle, you were awesome!" Stan congratulated, even though Kyle was still just a little pissed that he had lost so quickly and easily. "I thought for sure you were gonna win. Mind Reader is different in the games than in real life, but when you had Metagross use Psychic, I thought it was all over. Good thing my uncle Jimbo never took care of this place, huh? The grounds around here are as hard as brick, dude."

"Yeah, well, I'll kick your ass at Pokémon next time, Stan." Kyle promised, making Stan smile.

"Any time you're ready, dude." Stan retorted, slapping five with his best friend.

"Whoo-Hoo! Kicked his gargantuan ass!" Kyle and Stan shifted their gazes over to where Kenny, Cartman, and Butters were approaching. Kenny was cheering and whooping as Butters trailed him with a happy smile and Eevee in his arms. Cartman followed at a more begrudged pace, looking quite constipated with the results of his own training.

"It was a fluke, Keeneh!" the large boy shouted with his jowls flaring, "We all know that poor people can't be good at Pokémon."

"My Pokémon kicked your Pokémon's ass. Simple and straightforward." Kenny leveled Cartman with a flat look, but Eric only turned up his nose at the young McCormick's words.

"Whatever. Everyone knows that you're too poor to be a good Pokémon master." Cartman said again, his usual haughty tone back in full effect, "You're so poor, that your parents got married just so people could throw rice at them."

Kenny didn't appear at all offended. In fact, Kenny was quite causal when he shrugged. "Eh, probably right. I know they went to jail once just to have three square meals that day."

"Dude!" Stan had obviously never heard of this occurrence, but Kenny liked to believe in logic. The logic that it was none of Stan's goddamn business.

"Kenny did real good, he sure did! Gosh, you fellas should have seen it! Kenny had his Gengar dodging and jumping all around Eric's mean ol' Houndoom." Butters was still holding Eevee as though it were a puppy, but the first stage Evolution Pokémon did not seem to mind in the least bit. "It was shooting fire all over the place! Oh, but don't worry Stan! We put 'em all out."

Stan was about to comment and rave about Cartman burning down the ranch, but he noticed that Eevee was looking and wriggling toward something in Butters' grasp. Looking to the side, Stan saw Token walking over to them with a notepad and pencil. The darker teen appeared to be making notes of some kind while muttering to himself.

"It was a good battle. Well, at least for beginners." Token muttered loud enough for everyone to hear as he flipped the notepad closed. "Your battle was a bit better, Stan, Kyle. It had more variety in attacks and battle methods."

"How long have you been here?" Cartman was the first to ask while the others were still surprised, and a bit weary, that Token had been on the ranch long enough to see them training without any of them being the wiser.

"Just around when Stan was suggesting the training together. After that I just sorta hung back to see what you guys were doing. Once I saw that you were going to battle, I decided to watch." Token shrugged nonchalantly while putting away his notepad in his pocket.

"You could have said something, dude." Stan chastised, looking slightly put off that Token had been around all along.

"It would have been a distraction from your battle. Besides, if I had said anything, you guys wouldn't have battled. I wanted to see a Pokémon battle firsthand." Token smiled at Stan, trying to put the other at ease.

"Well next time ya might get to see me go against Stan." Butters spoke up with confidence, hugging Eevee to him, "Isn't that right, Eevee?"

"Eevee! Ee!" the little pocket monster cheered with a happy yipping of its name.

"Umm… Maybe not, Butters." Stan said gently, which made Butters look at him with dejected disappointment.

"You're really great with Pokémon, Butters, just not a good _master_ of Pokémon." Kyle threw in, patting the blond's back.

"More to the point," Token broke in before anymore meaningless chatter could be exchanged, "seeing all of you with your Pokémon, it's got me super excited to get my own. So how do we go from here? I want to get acquainted and start battling."

"Hold your horses, Token." Kyle held up a hand as he stepped forward, "I don't think you should just go jumping into battles. First you need some time to bond with your Pokémon and see how effective their moves are. Sort of like checking their level. Well, if this were the games, I guess…"

Token nodded with determination, "Right. The sooner the better, then. I want all the time I can with my Pokémon!"

"We kept the other Pokéballs in the old barn house. Come on, and we'll get you all setup." Stan ushered Token to follow them. Butters smiled as he released Eevee to play about in the fields instead of being shut up inside the spooky house like they were about to be.

* * *

><p>The inside the barn house was barren and dingy. Cobwebs and chewed wall holes littered the building nearly as much as the dust and decay did. The paint, if that was even paint, peeled from the walls and the wooden floorboards were broken or in the process of breaking from water damage.<p>

Stan found it odd that his Uncle Jimbo didn't take better care of what could have obviously been a really great house. It and the whole ranch had character far exceeding that of the shack Jimbo and Ned chose to live within up in the wilderness of the mountains alongside the town. In fact, they're house and gun store was just a few blocks and a road away from the far edge of the very ranch Stan and his friends were occupying. For a man who could hunt a bear in the snow for three solid days, it was incredibly stupid for Jimbo to allow the ranch to fall into such decay while he lived so close to it. It wasn't as if the man and his not-so-secret boyfriend lived in Denver and had to make the drive. No, all they had to do was walk into town, past the mall, down the street past the movie theatre and then hop the little wooden pen fence into the ranch by the woods. Sure, from the fence to the barn house would be more than half a mile's walk itself, but it wasn't like Jimbo and Ned were that lazy and drunk.

…Right?

The Pokéballs were stashed away under the first floorboard under the termite wroth coffee table of old. True it didn't have termites in it anymore, which was why Kyle could enter the house instead of venomously refusing like with the chicken coop, but they still made sure to secure a long branch from the woods just outside the edge of the ranch in order to stash away their hidden goods. The floorboards were easily disturbed and little trouble to move with the thick branch that took the combined efforts of Stan, Kenny, and Eric to maneuver. It was an easier task hooking the branch onto the plastic J-mart bag they had stored all the balls into after their dealings in the snowfall of Kenny's backyard.

Token, however, did not look impressed with them. Not by the slightest.

"You guys create Pokémon… the most awesome fucking things since Nintendo made the Super Mario Brothers… and you put them in a shitty rundown pile of crap only loosely referred to as a house, under the rat-infested floorboards, and in a fucking plastic J-mart shopping bag?" Token sounded as if he were deeply contemplating their sanity while they were wondering what the big deal was.

"Yeah, Token," Cartman shrugged casually.

"Gosh, the bag keeps 'em dry and all together." Butters spoke up next as though it made perfect sense.

Kenny nodded before adding his own two cents, "And no one would think to look in this fucking shit pile."

"Don't worry, Token," Kyle said, clapping a hand on the darker boy's shoulder, "I had the same reaction when they did this dumb shit…"

"I don't see what the big deal is." Stan said, grabbing the bag when they pulled it back within range of his reach. They dropped the branch out on the lawn and sat on the veranda as they undid the knot they had tied the bag closed with.

"We probably should have marked these guys with stickers too," Stan muttered to himself as he tried hard to decipher which ball was which.

"Well, there are a bunch of them here. We could just release them all." Kenny suggested, but Kyle appeared to disapprove immediately.

"Kenny, what the hell are you thinking?! There are way too many for us to keep track of if we let them all out! Shit, dude, I think some of those things can _fly_!" Kyle gestured to the balls that Stan and Token were taking out of the bag carefully, using a small cloth to get the flakes of wood and dirt off them.

"Kyle is right. Letting them all out at once would be a pretty bad idea. We'll just have to go through them one by one." Stan turned to look at where Butters was standing around stupidly, looking out into the vast ranch in search of something. "Butters, do you still have those stickers?"

"Sure do, Stan!" Butters scrambled to look through his backpack and grab the thick packet of Pokémon stickers. One for each Pokémon, and already several stickers were missing as they had used them for their own Pokéballs.

"And you're sure no two are the same?" Kenny looked at Cartman sharply, to which Cartman nodded.

"I'm not like you assholes. I have more originality in my pinkie toe than you retards have in your whole bodies."

"Considering your pinkie toe is probably the size of all us combined, we wouldn't be surprised, lard-ass." Kyle said, grabbing a ball and shoving into Token's chest. "You wanted to do this, so let's get it over with. Pokéball number one is all yours to throw out."

"Ri-Right," Token gave a nod of understanding. His hand shook as he tapped the white button in the center of the red and white Pokéball. He had to take a deep breath to compose himself while he assumed a stance to throw his first ever Pokéball. This was a monumental moment. He _could not_ screw the pooch on this one.

"Go!" with the shout he threw the ball as hard as he could into the air. It sailed high and fair, but at the apex of its ascent, the ball opened and poured forth a white light.

All their faces fell.

"Cartman, THE FUCK!?" Kenny exclaimed while throwing his hands into the air. Before them was the large and completely asleep Pokémon known to all first generation players as Snorlax. It lay on its back while its belly rose and fell rhythmically along with the sound of its light snoring.

Cartman glared around at all the unimpressed looks he was getting. Even Butters seemed slightly deflated by the appearance of the giant sleeping Pokémon. "Fuck you guys! Snorlax is SWEET!"

"Okay, okay." Token said, turning back to where Stan had taken out a few more Pokéballs. "Let's just move on to the next one. Snorlax can stay out, right?"

"Yeah, it won't be a problem." Kyle said, watching the large bear-like creature sleep soundly.

* * *

><p>The Pokémon that followed were a little better. There was a rowdy Growlithe that licked Stan's face and almost peed, steaming hot, on Kyle's shoe. Luckily, Kyle saw the little beast and jumped back before it could. Growlithe was also allowed to stay out and about as it found the wide open space of the ranch the perfect environment to run and play. They were all a little worried when the puppy Pokémon tried to get Snorlax to wake up and play with him, a hell of a lot more worried when Snorlax nearly rolled over onto the little pooch.<p>

The next Pokémon was only a little less trouble. It was a Blitzle. The small zebra-like Pokémon had a shy nature, and when Token showed interest in it by trying to pet it, it whinnied and ran off to hide behind Kenny's leg. This was immediately followed by the small pony proceeding to electrocute the dirt-poor blond in front of everyone. While not having killed Kenny, it did leave him a twitchy mess on the porch which Butters was made to watch over. Kyle took Butters' place as the one putting stickers on all the Pokéballs as the Pokémon inside were identified. Blitzle was returned back to its Pokéball to prevent anyone else from getting shocked by the little guy while Kenny muttered something about why he didn't like Electric-types.

Token was given the next ball to throw, and a Tangela sprang out from it. This Pokémon was very manageable, doing exactly what Token said and acting very friendly about it. Still though, this did not hold onto Token's interest very long, and he was handed the next Pokéball after recalling Tangela back. The next ball contained Scraggy, who head-butted Token right in the stomach before trying to stomp all over him. Cartman made short work of that one by kicking the little hard-headed Dark/Fighting-type as though it were a football. Stan took up Scraggy's Pokéball and called it back to the device. A moment later, when Token recovered from having the wind knocked out of him, all the boys were glaring at Cartman, who snubbed them because all his picks were premium, even if they weren't all perfectly behaved.

"What's next?" Token asked, rubbing his stomach as it felt like he had been hit with a slab of sheer concrete.

"This one maybe?" Kyle reached into the bag and grabbed the next ball randomly. Handing it over to Token, Kyle then put the Scraggy sticker on Scraggy's Pokéball while also resisting the urge to include a warning label.

"Cartman picked some of the lamest Pokémon ever." Token commented, feeling his earlier enthusiasm tempered by the litter of lame creatures. "Why didn't he have some of the really good ones? Swampert or Castform? Froslass, or Tauros? Porygon, or Tyrantrum? Some of those would have been really awesome."

"Well, Kenny has a Froslass if you wanna go talk to him…" Kyle glanced off to where his blond friend was still twitching every now and then while talking to Butters. Eevee was still out, playing around with the young Growlithe near the barn.

"Kenny has a Froslass?" Token was now wondering why he hadn't got to see that Pokémon, "How many Pokémon do you guys have?"

"Token, throw the damn ball already!" Cartman bitched at him.

"Well, I have five right now." Kyle said as Token threw out the Pokéball. A Butterfree emerged from it, but Kyle and Token didn't care much as Stan cursed loudly after it. Cartman and he ran around with a butterfly net Stan got from Jimbo's tool shed, attempting to catch the spirited Pokémon.

"What about the other guys?" Token asked, looking at Stan and Cartman chasing the Butterfree.

Kyle thought about Token's question for a moment. "To be honest, I don't really know about the others. I know Stan has at least three, but he carries around six balls. The three I know for sure he has are Tropius, Poliwrath, and Rapidash. I haven't seen what the other three are, or if he even has three more Pokémon at all."

"Okay, you could be right." Token sighed while holding up the Pokéball, returning Butterfree when it passed him, causing Stan and Cartman to fall flat on their faces as they had just been about to capture the butterfly in their net.

"Go, next guy!" Token toss up another Pokéball after handing Butterfree over to Kyle for labelling.

This time a very energetic Sudowoodo popped out, jogging around the open field. Growlithe and Eevee seemed to greatly enjoy its company, so Stan and the others let it play until a game of what appeared to be tag went wrong. Sudowoodo might have looked like a giant walking tree, but the boys quickly found out that its body was closer to that of a rock rather than plant when it tagged Growlithe and nearly knocked out the small puppy. Growlithe was recalled for some rest until it could recover from the injury, and Sudowoodo returned itself to the Pokéball after seeing how it had hurt the smaller Pokémon.

None of them knew what to say when Sudowoodo glumly walked up to Token and pressed the return button on the Pokéball in order to send itself back into the device. They were all quiet for a short time with the only sound being Eevee mewing softly at the fact that its two new friends were gone.

"Come on out." Token said, pitching the next Pokéball high into the air. From this one emerged a Marill, who was very docile as it allowed Eevee to play around its ball-shaped blue tail.

"Stan wouldn't have three empty Pokéballs," Token said, picking up his and Kyle's conversation when they went back to sit in the shade of the decaying house.

"Stan? Oh, that sandy butthole has six Pokémon for sure. I saw him make 'em!" Kenny informed them, all the while still slightly trembling from his earlier encounter with Blitzle.

"Cool," Token said, tossing out the next Pokémon. It was a Fletchling, and this time Cartman wasted no time with its high flying bullshit. Eric picked up a hunk of ground, and chunked it at the tiny robin. Before the bird could even really spread it wings, it was smashed upside the head by the dirt clod. Fletchling fell from the air like a stone, hitting the ground and twitching there for a second before Cartman swiped the Pokéball from Token's hand. He returned the tiny bird Pokémon to its ball, and then chucked it at Kyle for cataloguing.

"I have five Pokémon," Kenny said, taking out his Pokéballs from his parka's pockets.

"What are they?" Token asked immediately, excited once more for potentially awesome Pokémon.

"Yeah, and what are the rest of Stan's Pokémon? That asshole won't tell me, and it sucks ass." Kyle crossed his arms over his chest, thinking about how unfair Stan was being by not telling him everything he wanted to know.

"Hmm… Nope! I'm not gonna do it." Kenny had a really white smile for a kid who used bath soap for toothpaste. It wasn't as bright as Stan's or even Kyle's own smile, but there was hardly any plaque to his teeth at all. "I'm not gonna tell ya. Where would be the fun in that? It won't be half as exciting if I just went around blabbing everyone's information to anyone who would listen."

"So you know exactly how many Pokémon all of us have?" Kyle inquired with narrowed green eyes. Kenny always was a keen observer. Added to the fact that they barely paid any attention whenever he was around, Kenny probably knew all their moves and weaknesses, too.

"Yup! Sure do!" Kenny chirped while the next Pokémon that Token tossed out was an Arbok. The large snake hissed at Stan and Eric when they tried to corral it back toward Token, but it didn't want to go back, and so Stan was forced to send out Tropius to deal with it.

"Well golly gee, Kenny. Can you at least tell us the number of Pokémon everyone has?" Butters cut in, Eevee now wriggling in his arms with Marill at his feet. Butters reached into his backpack and procured a snack of beef jerky for Eevee while he give Marill some Goldfish crackers he had left over from his own earlier snack.

"I guess that will be alright…" Kenny relented a little, giving a cocky grin as he first pointed to Stan. "Okay, as you know, Stan has a full set of six Pokémon. You all know about at least three of them. The ones he's shown so far are Tropius, Poliwrath, and once his Rapidash when he was late getting to school yesterday."

"Alright…" Token had thought it was unusual that Stan's gloves had been burnt, but hadn't said anything just in case it was another strange South Park occurrence popping up.

"Next is Kyle here." Kenny jabbed a finger in Kyle's face, and Kyle was a good enough friend that he bit the digit hard. Kenny yelped in pain and hid behind Butters, muttering something about Kyle being a fucking animal. "Bastard…! Anyway, Kyle here has five Pokémon. We've seen at least two of them, his Metagross and his Bronzong. But I know the other three. Heh, heh." Again Kenny gave a cocky grin, but lost it when Kyle snapped his teeth at him.

"You have a Bronzong?" Token asked in suspense, probably having forgotten about the earlier introductions due to all the excitement today. He squealed like a fan-girl when Kyle nodded in confirmation, "Just like Lucian from the games!"

Stan commanded Tropius to use Razor Leaf against Arbok, but the snake was too slippery as it quickly dodged between the sharp leaves that flew at it. As soon as it was close enough to the large sauropod, Stan had Tropius smack it back with one of its leaf wings. That blow seemed to knock Arbok for a loop. The snake shook itself a few times, but Stan was far too quick and took the advantage as it was presented. His next move was to finish the scuffle in a hurry in case Token wanted Arbok. He ordered Tropius to deliver another Razor Leaf to the confounded Cobra Pokémon. The attack sent dust flying everywhere as it uprooted the ground around Arbok and struck the snake also in a barrage of razor-sharp tropical leaves.

"Thirdly, is _moi_," Kenny made a show of gesturing grandly toward himself. He gave a dramatic bow, hamming it up for a crowd that wasn't even there. "I have five Pokémon so far, and you've seen my Gengar. The one Token didn't get to see was my Drifblim that I used up at the lab."

"Can I see it now?" Token asked, but Kenny gave him the middle finger.

"No, now moving on." Kenny gestured to where Cartman was laughing at Stan, who was now shouting like crazy for the fat boy to do something, seeing as he and his Tropius were being wrapped and crushed by Arbok. Tropius, however, decided that playing fair was not working. It used its long neck to reach down and bite Arbok's body, causing the snake Pokémon to relax its grip for a moment, but that was all Stan needed to get pissed off and do something about. He instructed Tropius to use an Air Slash, which sent the large purple cobra flying back toward the chicken coops. Butters jumped to his feet and followed after Stan and Tropius as they gave chase to the fleeing Arbok, who now had a large cut on the of its long body, along with a distinctive bite mark.

"Cartman has five Pokémon, but I'm fairly certain he has more stashed away at his house somewhere." Kenny said and shrugged his shoulders, "But that doesn't matter, especially because almost none of his Pokémon actually listen to him."

"Will you at least tell us about Cartman's Pokémon?" Kyle demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his green eyes, "He deserves no secrecy!"

"Yeah, but… ITS WAY MORE FUN FOR _ME_ THIS WAY!" Kenny exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air with a crazed smile on his face. Kyle flinched back at the volume of Kenny's hysterical outburst. He watched his friend with trepidation. He was seriously starting to question the blonde's sanity. Ever since they had acquired the Pokémon, Kenny had begun to care less and less about consequences, fretting more about what grabbed his attention or amusement while "in the moment". He was starting to become quite confusing, a little unhitched even, Kyle thought. And Kyle could not see what the correlation was between the Pokémon and Kenny's new sense of crazy. His motivations were so juvenile and Kyle couldn't figure him out anymore.

Maybe Stan would know more about what drugs this new Kenny was on, because Kyle was sure drugs had to be involved to make Kenny go to this new level of bat-shit crazy.

"The Pokémon from Cartman that you've seen already are his Houndoom and his Skuntank." Kenny informed them, still with the crazed smile on his face, "And Butters has only ever shown us Eevee, but I know he has five others for sure."

"So let me get this straight," Token held up a hand just as Stan was returning with Arbok slung over Tropius' back like a hunted deer. Token quickly returned the rabid snake to its ball, and this time Kyle really did include a warning label. "Stan has a variety of types, but from what Kenny's said so far, you guys have type specialties."

"That sounds about right," Kyle muttered, now thinking about it and finding that he and the others had unconsciously slipped into training and owning certain Pokémon types.

"Kyle here has Psychic types, Kenny has Ghost types, Cartman probably has Dark types, and Butters must have Normal types or something." Token explained, but Kenny shook his head.

"All right except on that last account. But let it be a surprise. We have Pokémon now, dude! Enjoy the anime show that life will become." Kenny lent back onto the porch and relaxed in the shade. The sun was beginning its descent toward the west, starting up an orange hue in the sky above them.

* * *

><p>"Hey, have you guys seen Butters?" Stan asked them as he walked over to where they were resting. He didn't seem concerned with recollecting Tropius into its Pokéball, letting the fruit-bearing Pokémon roam freely around the grassy estate.<p>

"No, he followed you when that Arbok was running away." Kyle got up from where he was sitting. Stan being attacked by a giant snake was one thing, his best friend could stand his own ground. Butters, however, was a little pussy when it came to fighting and fending for himself in most situation.

EE-VEE!" came the cry of the small dog-like Pokémon from behind the large barn. This was followed shortly by an explosion and several screams.

Stan and the others turned toward the barn, rushing over to where they could here Butters yelling nonsense at the top of lungs. Token let out a muttered curse as they ran to the barn, which had smoke rising from around the back. Stan quickly summoned Poliwrath in case of fire. Kyle and Kenny had Pokéballs at the ready for if they needed to help. Butters came scrambling from around the back of the barn, ropes in tatters around his wrists and ankles with Eevee held tightly in his arms as he ran. He was still shouting, but Stan and the others couldn't understand a word coming out of his mouth because he was screaming hysterically with his words jumbled together in a mesh of gibberish.

"THEY—HERE—BAD—STAN—KYLE—TOKEN—ATTACK—TIED—EEVEE—BARN—_FIRE_!" Stan and Kenny understand that last word because of how much Butters stressed it to them as he hid behind Kyle for safety. Eevee was a little fur-ball of fury. It was angry, and it growled at the others while its fur stood on end. The little Pokémon bared its canines at everything that moved around Butters, and was biting at the scrapes of rope that still clung to Butters limbs.

When Stan, Kyle, and Kenny rushed around the barn, they were greeted to the sight of their classmates and occasional friends trying to put out a small fire that was at the corner of the barn. There was a sizeable hole there from where something struck the barn, but Stan didn't care about that at the moment.

"Poliwrath, use your Ice Beam to put out the flames!" Stan commanded as soon as the Pokémon followed him around to the back of the barn. Poliwrath wasted no time flexing its impressive array of muscle. It reared back while sucking in air, then from its spiral patter it released a stream of icy pressure that upon contact with the barn, layered everything it came in contact with a thick sheen of ice. The flames died quickly as they were hit with temperatures below that of freezing. Stan didn't stop there as he ran up to the hole, and ordered Poliwrath to freeze the flames inside the missing chunk of farm building.

While Stan was preoccupied with the fire hazard, Kyle was not so easily distracted. He pointy looked into the worried and scared faces of his classmates. Standing there was a group of them, and he easily recognized each of them from the many years he spent interacting with them both inside and out of the school.

Bebe Stevens was still a beauty queen with her flawless blonde hair and her creamy skin that was absent of makeup or any other cosmetics aside from her lip gloss. She was wreathing at the back of Clyde's jacket with her hands as Clyde and her watched Poliwrath blow its icy beams to snuff out flames, and Stan stomped out the smaller ones.

Craig was practically being strangled by Tweek as they backed away from where they had been trying to put out a little fire right before Poliwrath stomped on it in one decisive swoop. The Tadpole Pokémon glared sharply at them before returning to the inside of the barn to inspect it for more scattered flames.

Jimmy and Heidi were hanging back with the frightened Scott Malkinson, watching for Butters and Eevee, who was growling at Wendy as she came over apologizing profusely to Butters for the way Craig and Clyde had jumped him. Apparently they tried to hog tie him as well according to her, for which she was also very sorry about happening. When she turned to speak to Kyle, he wanted to do nothing more than smack the shit out of her. But he couldn't do that. It would be lowering himself to her standards, and it would probably make his hand sting really bad for the rest of the day.

"Kyle, we are so sorry about this. Things just got out of hand so quickly! When the little puppy-thing found out where we were hiding, Clyde tried to catch it by bribing it with some Recess Pieces, but then it spat them in his face. I guess it didn't like them." Wendy was saying, but Kyle was barely listening as he tried hard not to openly glare at her and the bullshit she and her group were dumping into his lap, "Then it peed on the side of the barn, ignored Clyde, and was about to wander off. Craig picked it up before it could go, and he started petting it. And everything was okay until Butters came looking for it. When he found us, and saw that we had Eevee, Butters completely flipped his wig and started on about how we weren't supposed to be here—"

"You _aren't_, but go on." Kyle injected, focusing on that fact for now and making his fury at the situation do the same. Stan was now done playing fireman with Poliwrath.

"Yeah, you're right, but we're _really_ sorry. It's just that when Butters said he would tell you guys, we didn't know what to do. Then suddenly Jimmy yells to grab him, and Craig drops the dog to grab Butters. Clyde found some rope onside the barn. He and Craig started tying up Butters while Bebe held his mouth closed." Wendy took a second to breathe and glance from Kyle to the Eevee in Butters' arms. "It _really_ didn't like _that_. It bit Clyde, and jumped on Craig. Jimmy knocked it off, but then it did this thing and shot a purple ball of light at us! Clyde and me dived to the side, and the light hit the barn, and _EXPLODED_! There was wood and fire and embers everywhere! Then the dog's claws started glowing, and it scratched at Butters ropes and Butters started yelling and ran! We were trying to put out the fire when you guys showed up! It was an honest accident, and we are _SO_ sorry!"

"How did you guys even know we were out here?" Stan asked the obvious question. The stupid question, Kyle thought while grinding his teeth.

"Duh, dude. Do you think you guys can have _real_ Pokémon and we wouldn't find out?" Clyde crossed his arms, defiant that he had done any wrong.

"Yeah, but we've been super careful!" Stan shot back, working his way up to the conclusion Kyle had already reached. "We haven't told anyone, and we're all alone out here. So the only person who could have let you know about us being out here today is… is… TOKEN, YOU BLACK ASSHOLE!"

"WHAT?! I'M SORRY!" Token yelled, flinching back from Stan and Kyle. He quickly switched sides seeing as Kenny, Kyle, and Butters were glaring at him. He stood beside Wendy, who did not look scared, but instead really worried. It was a look Kyle expected from a girl who came in late from curfew, but not one from a girl who had just been an accomplice to attempted kidnapping and failed arson. "You guys _know_ how big a deal Pokémon is to me! I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE! BUT I SWEAR, I ONLY TOLD CLYDE! ONLY CLYDE! THE REST OF THESE DOUCHEBAGS ARE _NOT_ MY RESPONSIBILITY!"

Clyde scrambled up front at hearing his name, "Yeah, and I only told Craig!"

Craig looked supremely unconcerned as he flipped the middle finger at them, "And I only told Tweek."

Tweek was already a fucking mess. He was fidgeting and tearing away at his shirt buttons, occasionally twitching and jolting with his nerves frazzled. "And—ergh— I only told—nrgh— JIMMY! I ONLY SPOKE TO JIMMY! NRGH! I SWEAR! PLEASE—_GOD!_—DON'T KILL ME! ARGH! IT WAS TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

"Y-Yeah, and I only t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-o-o-old Scott." Jimmy confirmed after he got past his persistent stutter.

"And he was with us doing Math homework when he got the text from Jimmy. Then we texted Wendy, because we just couldn't keep something this big from her! She's, like, our BFF!" Bebe spoke out for Scott while Heidi nodded. Scott Malkinson looked petrified when Cartman came onto the scene to see why everyone had left the area whilst he was off shitting in the chicken coop just to piss off Stan, who planned to fill the coop with chickens again soon.

"And after that, I had no one to tell. You guys told Token, and when I called him, we all met up with him in front of the theatre where he swore us to secrecy." Wendy explained while giving them a pleading look. Again Kyle felt the urge to smack the bitch swelling up within his chest. "He told us to go around the back way, and wait things out there until he got whatever Pokémon you were going to give him."

"I thought that maybe if they helped me take care of mine, you'd let them have Pokémon of their own." Token clarified his plan for them all, rubbing the back of his neck as he shied away. Not from Kyle's heated glare, but from the disapproval in Stan's eyes.

"Token, you've really fucked up. We trusted you, man." Stan said solemnly, and everyone flinched back.

Stan was not like Kyle. He never had to shout or even raise his voice to garner the undivided attention of others. He was generally a pretty laid back guy, and he got along well with just about everyone. Stan was never perturbed by small shit, but when someone did make Stan angry, it was akin to pissing off your father.

With Stan, it was never anger. It was always righteous disappointment.

And right then, Token felt like a turd for winning the whole of Stan's disappointment.

Stan was honestly one of the greatest guys he knew. Stan was honest, fair, and brilliant beyond words. When someone broke a trust with Stan, the nature loving teen couldn't hide his disenchantment from anyone. And seeing the displeasure and breach of trust flicker in those cerulean blue eyes was more than the rich black boy could handle. Token jammed his hands into his pockets and found his shoes the most fascinating thing in the world at the moment.

Kyle was ranting and raving, his completely volatile irritation almost palpable through the air. Token was not really listening to the redhead. His eyes kept glancing at Stan, who was looking like someone had kicked his puppy all the while petting Poliwrath's head. Poliwrath did not look disappointed, but was glaring heavily at all the newcomers. The Tadpole Pokémon stood in a hero pose, fists at where hips should have been if it were a normal person. It was like watching a bouncer to a night club sitting with the sadly drunken owner. Token snapped to attention at Kyle's tirade when caught mention of mind-wiping.

"—AND MY PSYCHIC POKEMON CAN DO IT!" Kyle was threatening them, waving around a miniaturized Pokéball like it was a handgun. It might as well have been the way Token and the others backed away slowly from the furious teen. Even though Wendy and Heidi never really played Pokémon much, or at all in Wendy's case, they all knew about telepathy and mind-wiping from having lived in South Park for so long. "MY FUCKING METAGROSS IS PRIME FOR RIPPING MINDS APART, ASSHOLES! OR MAYBE ALAKAZAM CAN MAKE ALL YOU BITCHES THINK YOU LIVE IN THE AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALL! STEP RIGHT UP FOR A PIECE OF THE MENTAL RAPE!"

"KYLE, STOP IT!" Kyle's angry tirade was cut short when Stan finally had enough. Even Kenny and Cartman were a little afraid Kyle would turn his team of psychics on them. The two had hidden behind Butters, who was shaking like a leaf in the wind with Eevee in his arms.

Stan had not moved an inch.

Unlike everyone else in the world, he was not afraid of a pissed-off Broflovski. He was not afraid of Kyle's mom, and he was never afraid of Kyle. Kyle's anger was hot and explosive, but always short-lived. It was one of the reasons he thought of Kyle like a firecracker. One minute it was popping all over the place, the next it was burnt out and left nothing, but bitter remains of its once fiery passion. Stan knew from a million experiences that Kyle was a raging bitch now, but he'd be back to his normal level-headed mood in a few minutes.

And right now, they didn't need pissy-Kyle for anything more than a little scare-straight episode. Since that was done, evident by the fear in even Craig's normally inexpressive eyes, they now needed composed-Kyle to think up a plan to further contain this whole mess.

Kyle looked back at Stan, glaring so hard that if Kyle were the psychic and not his Pokémon, Stan would have burst into flames on the spot. But Stan didn't burst into flames the way Kyle imagined. No, the blue-eyed teenager only shook his head, hoping to convey to Kyle that he needed to calm down. It worked, if only a little. Kyle's shoulders lost a bit of their tension. The fire in his eyes lost some of its heat, and his brows creased slightly. Stan recognized when Kyle was about to start his deep breathing techniques the therapist had started with him. Kyle's eyes closed briefly, his chest rising and falling a few time before his glare was back, yet this time with the clarity of focus instead of utter outrage.

"Fine," it was the only word to slip past Kyle's lips before he crossed his arms and remained dutiful silent. Stan took that moment to regain control of the situation before someone did something stupid and pissed Kyle off to even more levels previously thought unimaginable.

* * *

><p>Stan made everyone follow him back to the farm house where the bag of Pokéballs lay open. Snorlax was still asleep, its hefty body now sprawled out for the sun to catch like the Pokémon knew about tanning or something. Marill was quietly awaiting their return on the porch of the crumbling house. Tropius was wandering the estate with its momentary freedom, taking in the sunlight. The giant sauropod creature strolled the grounds with a prehistoric walk, like the Long Necks from that dinosaur movie Butters really liked.<p>

Gazing upon these Pokémon sent Wendy and the others from her group into awe and shock. They made surprised noises and couldn't seem to tear their eyes from the three pocket monsters. Kyle felt inclined to let their eyes explode for all he cared. He just knew that Stan would let them in on everything, including the ownership of Pokémon. Fairness was one Stan's greatest strengths, and yet at the same time the blue-eyed boy's most prominent flaw. If Stan shot someone with a gun in self-defense, he'd probably be a major pussy about it and let them shoot him back in return.

Kyle desperately missed the passionate Stan. The one that fucked shit up. The one that fought and won against the Japanese over the lives of stupid-ass whales and dolphins. Kyle still didn't give two shits about whales or dolphins, but if Stan could just put that sort of obsession into keeping a lid on their secret Pokémon group, that'd be great.

"Listen up, everybody." Stan began when they were all gathered in front of him. Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and Butters stood or sat behind him on the porch of the farm house. They weren't the real audience at the moment. Stan was addressing the eight teens who had not been there in Mephesto's laboratory of craziness to witness the birth of Pokémon into the town of South Park and the real world in general. "Since you guys caught us here, I guess it's only fair to let you all in on the group. Everyone will get one Pokémon."

The roll of Kyle's green eyes went unnoticed by everyone, but Stan still glanced back at him because he expected as much from his currently pissy super best friend.

"You guys know the rules. No talking about this with anyone not already here. No showing off to anyone. No one outside of this ranch is supposed to know. Like, the fucking world could be endangered or stuff!" again Kyle rolled his eyes, but this time also clicked his teeth to show how much Stan underwhelmed the scope of their troubles. "We train _here_. We let the Pokémon out _here_. Nowhere else, unless it's absolutely safe from public view."

Cartman was muttering something about how owning Pokémon was becoming lamer with everyone getting one. No one cared about Cartman's opinion. No one ever did. Everyone followed Stan's word like he was their parent. They normally listened to him because he was the voice of reason. This time, it was because he was the one they needed to please in order to get a pocket monster of their very own.

Kyle decided right then that another item on the list of regulations needed immediate addressing before the group in front of them got too cocky about Stan's vaginal need enforce equality.

"We only have so many Pokémon here, so everyone is getting one at random." Kyle said, being sure to use his calm yet irritated tone so Stan or the others wouldn't object. Not that they would. They knew Kyle was right. Token had lost the right to claim his pick because he broke their trust. The others had never been extended the same courtesy. "Like it or leave it, ass-faces."

Token opened his mouth, probably to ask if he could still pick his own creature, or even to name the one he wanted, but then he closed his mouth and nodded in agreement to Kyle's stipulation. Token turned expectantly to his posse, and they too nodded. All except for Craig, who decided to shrug since he probably didn't care what Pokémon he got.

Stan rotated his body around to where Kenny drummed at the rotting porch wood. Butters had the bag of Pokéballs in his lap, shifting through them with his eyes closed for a truly random and impartial grab. Cartman was strangely smug, probably because most of the Pokémon in the bag were not his own and therefore, to his mind, nowhere near as amazing as the ones stuffed into his coat pockets.

Butters was simply tossing out balls, and the eight were simply reaching up to catch them. It was sort of like a game of fly football, with Clyde dominating the sport of capturing the balls in his grasp while Craig didn't even try. Scott was completely suckish at catching any, dropping the one he did almost catch. Tweek was too busy cowering away from the Pokéballs, terrified that the Pokémon inside would be released only to squash him and the others with the weight of another Snorlax. Wendy and the other two girls, Heidi and Bebe, didn't even attempt to catch anything, seeing as Clyde was being a real Casanova by just handing over the Pokéballs he was catching.

Token, however, walked up to Stan while the others were playing catch. Kyle and Cartman watched him, but then noticed the Pokéball held tightly in Stan's left hand. Stan's eyes were locked with Token's own eyes, and Token swallowed thickly when Stan handed him the Pokéball. No words were exchanged between the two, but the way Token was handling the affair, it might have been a death sentence rather than his dream of owning an actual Pokémon of his very own.

"Snorlax, return." Token called out dutifully, pointing the spherical device at the slumbering monster. Red energy shot out from the button-center of the ball, recalling the large bear creature into it with the same red energy encompassing it and converting it back. When the process was done, Token gazed upon the Pokéball as though it were morphing between gold and lead in his very hands.

"This… is my penance…" Token spoke gravely, contemplating the red and white ball in his hand.

"Everyone got a Pokémon?" Stan asked, to which all the teens around nodded.

"There is just one more thing you should bring up, Stan?" Cartman's sweet tone contradicted the shit-eating grin he was smiling. Stan and the others turned to Cartman at the sound of his voice.

"Huh? What?" Stan asked in confusion. He couldn't think of anything he had left out earlier. Well, maybe remind them of Kyle's ability to make them retarded with the mind-wiping thing, but that probably wasn't the nicest thing to say at the moment. Especially with the way Wendy was cuddling her new Marill with the other two girls crowding her, all three females gushing over the small animal's super soft fur.

"The fact that _we_ are the leaders here, and all these turd-munchers are not. _We_ are the Red of this new order and they are the Ash of our world." Cartman was a real dick at times.

"Ash isn't all that bad!" Token defended the animated character.

"Regardless, fatass here is right about one thing. We are the leaders, and you all have to do what we say." Kenny intoned, brushing back blond locks from his face. "We're the Elite Four and Stan is our Champion trainer."

"AYE! That asshole hasn't beaten me yet!" Cartman reminded them, but Kenny waved him off.

"Oh yeah, Stan and lard-ass are battling this weekend for the title of Champion. Cartman's not gonna win, and even if he did we'd never follow him. Feel free to come out and watch the spectacle!" Kenny's voice was at first very deadpan, then turned cheerful as he prompted the others to come see Cartman get his ass kicked.

"Yeah, so anyway, we're in charge. Stan is our leader." Kyle jabbed a thumb toward Stan, who was watching his friends speak down to the others with little input.

"And we respect that!" Token quickly agreed, seeing Craig's eyebrow arch in objection. "Maybe we can help? Ya know, to make amends for putting you guys on the spot like this."

Kyle was sure that Token and others still weren't grasping the full weight of the situation, but he could always have a talk with Stan about that later.

Nope, fuck it.

"I'm sorry. Did you just say you were putting us on the spot?" Kyle asked rhetorically, but still Token nodded dumbly, "Because you are not _putting us on the spot_, as you so lightly put it. You have effectively made us compromise the safety and peace of the entire world at large with this shit. With your dumbass little games, we could be opening a literal Pandora's Box onto an unsuspecting world— scratch that, _UNIVERSE_! YOU IDIOTS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF DANGER WE'RE PUTTING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IN BY SIMPLY ALLOWING YOU TO CONTINUE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT, LET ALONE GIVING YOU THE FUCKING CREATURES OF MASS DESTRUCTION LIKE THIS WERE A FUCKING PRIZE RAFFLE! BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE WORLD! THE UNIVERSE! LIFE AS WE KNOW! BECAUSE YOU BITCHES ALL HAVE YOUR HEADS TOO FAR UP YOUR POKÉMON FANATIC ASSES TO SEE THE DANGER IN SHIT!"

"Kyle! KYLE! CHRIST, CALM DOWN!" Stan rushed over to where his friend had risen to his feet halfway through his tirade. Kyle was hyperventilating now, red in both face and hair as he never paused for a single breath with his fury so white hot. Wendy looked concerned for him, her face just over Stan's shoulder and her hand on his shoulder while she craned over him to see Kyle's condition. Kyle wanted nothing more at the moment than to smack her hand away from Stan, and then to smack the living shit out of her. She was such a two-faced bitch. Stan, however, was genuinely worried about him, and Kyle realized that if he didn't get his breathing under control in the next few seconds, Stan would have a fucking panic attack and drop dead the very moment he did just because.

Jesus Christ, his best friend was such a little Romeo Juliet type of pussy…

* * *

><p>While Kyle allowed Stan to coach him through breathing as though Kyle were about to birth his baby or something, the others slowly moved away from the two best friends. It was obvious that if Kyle caught sight of any of them at the moment, he would murder them brutally with the closest object to him, aka one Stan Marsh as his weapon. Token watched as his friends released their Pokémon to distract themselves from Stan and Kyle. He did not release Snorlax, mostly because Snorlax would just be sleeping if he called it out.<p>

Scott got a Butterfree, which seemed to like him well enough since it fluttered happily around the awkward teen. Scott laughed and frolicked with the Butterfly Pokémon flapping with him. This had to be the freest Token had ever seen Scott Malkinson. The boy was always so meek and timid, never this carefree and lighthearted individual that Token could actually see himself directly associating with in public. No wonder Jimmy was friends with the guy. Scott Malkinson, when not being picked on or hindered, was actually a pretty cool kid who just liked to have fun.

Tweek had received the Blitzle from earlier. Butters was trying to help his fellow blond with the easily startled Pokémon, but was having little luck. This degraded even more so when Kenny came over to lend a hand, and ended up being fried to a twitchy crisp by the small zebra-like beast. Tweek went into a conniption when Kenny had enough of the shocks and jolts, kicking the little zebra Pokémon in the ribs. The kick sent the little thing flying past Craig and his new Steel-type Pokémon, the mighty Steelix.

Steelix was a pushover, being very kind and gentle toward little Blitzle when it looked up with fright at the enormous Pokémon. Craig had greeted the humongous Iron Snake Pokémon by flipping it the middle finger, to which Steelix only laughed and mewed at its new trainer. Craig gave a small smile, but nothing more as he pet the iron ore body of his pocket monster.

Wendy and the girls were no longer gushing over Marill, but now Marill, Bebe's new Vulpix, and Heidi's new Sudowoodo with great vigor. Token was not sure how Heidi managed to call the fake tree creature "cute and cuddly", he was even more confused by how she managed to hug it so tightly and comfortably when he knew for a fact that its body was made of stuff similar to rocks. The other girls also seemed to be able to stay ignorant of its hard body, as they too interacted with the Pokémon as though it were as soft and huggable as a baby kitten. Sudowoodo, didn't mind at all though, and Token as actually pretty happy for that. Having seen the Pokémon look depressed not three hours ago was a hard sight, but now things looked to be on the up for the Imitation Pokémon with it being under Heidi's ownership.

Clyde was essentially chasing down his Fletchling, making Cartman laugh. That was a mistake, however. As soon as the little bird creature locked onto Eric's laughter, it began using its Peck attack to rain down pain on the fleeing fatass. Cartman screeched and yelled about how he would find another rock to throw at it, but with how painful those pecks looked, Token suspected that he'd never stop running to try and really find one. Clyde was now chasing the bird with his Pokéball in hand, trying to get it to come back to him.

Jimmy, it seemed, had a bad pick that turned out for the best. Unlike with Heidi and Sudowoodo, as soon as Jimmy released his Pokémon, Token flinched and felt his stomach wobble. Jimmy had been randomly given Scraggy, to which Token wished Kyle had placed a warning label on like he had done with the ball that contained Arbok. But it worked out. Scraggy, upon release, charged at Jimmy with full intention on head-butting the shit out of the crippled boy. Jimmy was not fast enough to react properly to Scraggy's fucked behavior problems, but that proved to be for the best after all. Because Jimmy had not moved an inch from when he released Scraggy, when the tiny Shedding Pokémon lowered its rock-hard head and charged, it rammed itself smack into Jimmy's crutch. The tiny Pokémon was disoriented, to which Token mentally danced for his unintentional revenge. When Scraggy saw that Jimmy was still standing, and even smiling down at him, Scraggy bowed to Jimmy and the two quickly hit it off. Token supposed that Scraggy was looking for a tough trainer. Either that, or the little Pokémon was a major dick.

Glancing down at the Pokéball in his hand, Token wondered if he'd ever see his Snorlax in action. Would it be every bit as strong and powerful as the one Ash used in the anime? Or would it be a giant flop that did nothing, but ate and slept all the time? Token wasn't sure at the moment, but he vowed to discover which one his Snorlax truly was and love it all the same.

* * *

><p>"Fucking Christ, Stan! I'm fine! Get from over me, geez. Your breath smells like day old Cheesy Poofs, and you know how much I hate that shit." Token looked back to discover that Kyle was now back to his cranky old self. The red-haired Jew was now glaring at Stan as the raven-haired counterpart hovered over him with an anxious smile. Token was always under the impression that Stan and Kyle were gay for each other, but after many years of knowing exactly what type of person Stan was, and just what type of attitude Kyle had, Token knew that Stan would have no shame in shouting his love for the redhead from a church or something, and that Kyle would have shoved his tongue down Stan's throat just to prove a point about not having to fear anyone's opinion on being gay or some shit like that.<p>

But still, Token found the pair to be really fucking gay. Though that was none of his business, mind you…

Kyle and Stan got up from the porch of the ranch home. The wooden boards creaked under their weight as they stepped off and away from the house. Stan whistled, and his Tropius perked up from where it was grazing. It flapped its large leaf wings, and soared over toward them with speed that betrayed its impressive size. Tropius lowered its head for Stan to gently stroke it behind where a normal creature would have ears.

"Stan," Token knew not to address Kyle directly, even though it was pretty obvious that Stan was leader in name only with Kyle wearing the real pants in the friendship and group, "before you guys say anything, I was thinking. Ya know, about what I said earlier."

Kyle's eyes darkened, but Stan's hand stretched out and stopped the Jewish boy from advancing on Token. Stan was looking directly into Token's eyes, but Token could not meet the steady gaze. He felt unprepared to have Stan listen to him so voluntarily and willingly.

Sometimes, Stan was just _too_ agreeable…

"I was thinking… what if we watched Mephesto for you guys?" Token quickly broached the topic, pushing on since they were now quickly losing daylight. The entire sky was now an orange hue compared to light golden it had been an hour ago. "I mean, I will be buying him out for whatever machine he has that you guys used. Until my parents come back next week or so, I don't have access to that kind of cash. We'll keep a close eye on Mephesto and any leaks he might spill about the Pokémon. You said it yourselves, the guy was nuts last you saw him."

"Tsk, whatever," Kyle muttered flippantly, but at least Stan was taking him seriously.

"We can train up our Pokémon, and be like a task force— the town's gym leaders, even! What do you think, Stan?" again Token didn't even look at Kyle for more than a second when he spoke, but he also didn't look directly at Stan. While speaking, he had glanced at everyone's expressions around him.

"I guess that will be okay…" Stan muttered, more to himself than anyone else. He stroked his chin with one hand, the other still moving unconsciously to show affection to Tropius as the long-necked creature lent into his touch.

"Stan, we can do this, I promise." Token said, stepping forward and hoping that his eyes held all the conviction that his heart did. It was only when he saw how the others interacted with their Pokémon, and how happy they all were that Token understood the full ramifications of his blathering. Stan more so than the others had come to him—had really trusted him— to keep their secret and to help them. And what did he do? He went and told Clyde, the biggest gossip outside of all the females in South Park. Sure things had turned out alright this time, but what about the next time? Or what if there were still unseen consequences to his opening his fat mouth?

Suddenly, Token felt very ashamed of himself under Stan's sturdy blue gaze, and Kyle's piercing green one. Now he truly understood why Kyle was so angry. It wasn't some childish tantrum of misplaced popularity with them being the only ones to own Pokémon and having to share that claim with eight more people now, but instead Kyle was the most reasonable of them all. He really did care about the jeopardy of the world.

No one spoke as Stan studied Token, mainly looking the African American wealth in the eye. Token didn't know what Stan was looking for, but after a long stretch of silence, Stan smiled softly and appeared to have found what he wanted out of Token's soul. He nodded once, and was still smiling a little when he moved up to Token and clasped a hand on the adolescent's shoulder.

"You do know that I can't trust you with any really heavy shit like this again, right?" Stan flat out said, making Token flinch slightly at still not being forgiven. But hey, Stan had worked hard at trying to understand racism from Token's point of view a few years back when Stan's father, Randy Marsh, had used the n-word to try and win money on a game show. Token knew he could return the favor this time.

"We'll work pass this. I'll regain your trust, dude," Token guaranteed, and that looked to be what Stan wanted to hear. He gave Token's shoulder a squeeze and a pat before nodding once again, this time with a firm finality that lifted a little weight off Token's conscience.

"I guess if you guys will keep Mephesto in check until we can come up with a proper way of making sure nothing like this ever happens again, that'll be cool… I guess, anyway…" Kyle mumbled, though his eyes were still sharp when they landed on Token and his cluster of friends.

"Alright, alright, geez!" Cartman let his voice rise above everyone's emotions with the shrillness of its pure annoyance, "Can we all please stop with Hippie Feeling Fag Fest? I swear, every god-damn time I hang out with you buttholes, you go ahead and do this shit."

Cartman then rounded on Token, pointing a pudgy finger at the young man, "And Token, please remove your lips from Stan's ass. Can ya do that for me, buddy? You're not black because of your parents, dude. You're black from the lack of oxygen you've sustained by suckling at Stan's anus. Just kindly unglue your lips from his prostate for me." Token flipped him off, but Cartman only smiled brighter at him, "Great, super awesome! Maybe now you'll regain some color!"

* * *

><p>The last rays of sunlight fled into the night and twilight turned to inky darkness as nighttime descended onto South Park. The others started recalling their Pokémon and saying their goodbyes while walking back toward town. Wendy, Heidi, and Bebe left with Scott Malkinson, all comparing and babbling on— rather loudly, in Kyle's irked opinion— about how cute their Pokémon were. Token left with his gang. Clyde had finally been able to get his Fletchling to obey him by bribing it with the sunflower seeds Craig had in his back pocket. Craig was listening to Tweek freak out about how he'd keep Blitzle hidden away from his parents, but every now and then would reassure the sputtering blond that everything would be just fine. Jimmy was walking alongside Token, the two conversing about a test they were sure they failed earlier in the day.<p>

Kyle had never been so grateful for a weekend's approach. After tomorrow, the weekend would start and they would be free to do whatever they wanted. As he helped pack Pokéballs away with Butters and watched while Stan and Kenny moved the floorboards of the ranch house with the big stick they had, Kyle was sure all his friends— and Cartman— were just as relieved as he was. Stan was supposed to talk to his parents about asking his Uncle Jimbo for the ranch full-time as a sort of camping ground to use over the weekends. Kyle wasn't sure Mrs. Marsh would go for the idea, but he knew that Stan had more of a chance than he did if it were his family and a ranch. Cartman's mother was all onboard for anything that got her son out of the house, and lessen her food and electricity bills. Kenny's family was actually trying to tag along just so long as someone else would provide the food. Stan had promised to talk to Kyle's parents with him tomorrow when they brought up the idea. Kyle's parents liked Stan. Hell, everyone's parents liked Stan.

Shit, everyone just plain liked Stan!

"Got all your balls in your sack?" Kenny chuckled at his own lame joke, but stopped when Butters lightly swatted at him for such crude humor.

They put away the Pokéballs. This time they used another hiding spot, one on the completely opposite side of the farm home. They couldn't trust that Token or someone else wouldn't come back in the dead of night to steal some of the Pokémon. Cartman had volunteered to safeguard the balls at his house, but that idea was shot down before it could even leave ground zero.

"Alright," Stan dusted off his hands onto his jeans as they replaced the floor plank under the sink of the house's decayed kitchen, "let's get out of here. It's getting late, and my dad is ordering pizza tonight."

"Fuck you, dude, I'm having KFC." Cartman bragged, his chin fat prominent as he stuck out his tongue.

"Kenny and I are gonna watch Hello Kitty Island Adventure!" Butters felt the need to inform them.

"No, you said we were watching porn tonight!" Kenny exclaimed, looking betrayed.

"KENNY, YOU KNOW I NEVER SAID THAT!" and the two argued with Kenny using words that made Butters face cherry red, even in the darkness of a cloudy South Park night. The others simply trailed behind the two as they left the ranch for their respective homes. Or, in Kenny's case, Butter's place to watch Japanese girl-on-girl porn that did not involve cups in any way, shape, or form.

They were all very loud and jovial, equally unaware that dark crimson eyes followed their every move and slightly pointed ears heard their every word as they grew steady smaller and quieter with distance. In the bleakness of night, dark clothes hid the stranger from detection, and his own inaudibility kept him that way as he moved with the grace of a predatory toward the ranch home, his prey.

An unnatural wind came from the south as it blew open the doors on the home with the stranger's approach. The new arrival seemed to glide into the home with an unusual elegance in his every step. The floors retched themselves apart, leaping to opposite sides of the putrefied kitchen to reveal a J-Mart plastic bag and several reddish blurs inside. The visitor's smile was stark white, and his canines were slightly pointed as he raised a finely manicured hand. The plastic bag leapt up to his grasp, and he wasted no time undoing the poorly done knot to reach inside the plastic sack for his prize.

"Hmm… too stupid…" he muttered, tossing the ball aside and moving on to examine the next one, "Too insipid… Much too bulky…"

The stranger paused for a moment. This ball was different. Atop its shiny, smooth red surface was a yellow caution triangle that begged warning to any that touched it. Just below the warning sticker was another sticker, this one in the image of a coiled cobra. The stranger's smile was near sinister.

"And then Goldilocks found the porridge that was just right…" he chuckled ominously, pocketing the tiny table-tennis sized ball before waving a hand. All the thrown balls hopped back into the bag, and it redid its knot. He dropped the bag back into its hiding spot while the floorboards replaced themselves with clatter. The visitor walked out from the empty house with a spring in his step.

"I knew someone like you would show yourself once those children left." This voice, distinctly British, disturbed the stranger's good mood. His smile morphed slowly into a frown as he turned to a woman and what appeared to be her capable butler.

"You're an unusual pair," he murmured to them, to which the woman scowled.

"I'll be taking that Pokéball, boy. And the rest inside. They're much too dangerous for someone as stupid as you to handle." The woman was greatly enraging the strange man. He frowned severely at her.

"I think I'm more intelligent than you perceive, _witch_," he spat, but the woman only quirked an eyebrow at the insult.

"M'Lady," the butler stepped forward, reaching toward his belt for something. The darkly dressed man narrowed his crimson eyes at the action, but the haughty woman raised a hand.

"No need Jervis," the lady spoke softly, gazing upon the dark man as though he were a specimen under her microscope, "I can handle such an insect myself."

With those words, the woman outstretched her palm toward the darkly dressed visitor. The dark lad's eyes widened as he was hit by an invisible force, sent flying backward where he skidded across the grounds and was left sprawled out on his back. The stranger's eyebrows, which were in the shape of lightning bolts, furrowed in fury as he leapt onto his feet. Flames danced in his gaze as he glared hotly at the woman, who did not look impressed with him in the slightest.

"So that's the game you want to play, huh?" he murmured in an almost purr. Soon the sky around them darkened even further, and the air grew to have an abnormal chill, even for the town of South Park. The winds began to howl and the world around them seemed ten times more frightening, "_**Then two can play at this game**_?" were the last words from the stranger's mouth. His eyes began to glow eerily red. The woman's shadow seized her and the butler. The noble lady gave no quarter as her own eyes began to glow a misty white, but the stranger was not yet done. His power held her firmly, and soon his eyes took on a demonic look, the red in them turning to a crimson bloody color. The woman gasped as her eyes returned to normal, and her shadow squeezed her tightly with the thickness of iron chains.

The only sounds left in the night on that ranch were the shrieks of the woman and her butler, along with the sinister laughter of the darkly dressed devilish man.

* * *

><p><em><strong>So What Do You Think of the Chapter? Like It? Hate It? Want To Burn It At The Stake? Want to Praise My Efforts Like I'm Some Golden God? Leave A Comment Below, And Let Me Know! And If You Want More, Just Click Those Favorite Or Alert Buttons So You Can See Me!<strong>_

**Pokémon Revealed This Chapter**:

_Stan Marsh_: Tropius, Poliwrath, Rapidash (mentioned, not seen)

_Kyle Broflovski_: Metagross, Bronzong, Alakazam (mentioned, not seen)

_Kenny McCormick_: Gengar, Drifblim "**Blimpo**" (mentioned, not seen)

_Eric Cartman_: Houndoom "**Little Pot Pie**", Skutank "**Frenchy**"

_Butters Scotch_: Eevee

_Token Black_: Snorlax

_Wendy Testaburger_: Marill

_Jimmy Valmer_: Scraggy

_Clyde Donavan_: Fletchling

_Craig Tucker_: Steelix

_Tweek Tweak_: Blitzle

_Scott Malkinson_: Butterfree

_Heidi Turner_: Sudowoodo

_Bebe Stevens_: Vulpix


End file.
